Thanks for such wonderful posts. Betsey, you've put into words my very struggle. Thank you! And Merrick, you've described my thoughts very well regarding the sanctity of my vow. It may sound psychotic, but I literal have felt my soul connected to XW. Is that tie cut by her actions/choices? I don't believe a person has that power.
Am I ready to live the life of a celibate monk? No. I'd like to share intimacy with whom I also share love. But my confusion about what to do next tells me to sit pat and wait to hear the answer.
I'm worn out. I've been doing a great job with self-care and personal growth, but her MLC journey is a very negative presence if I allow it much into my life, and I'll be much happier keeping it to how she impacts S6. There is great sadness, as I knew her to be a kind, moral individual, yet maybe this is the new her. Time will tell. As she is now, I wouldn't give her my phone number if she were someone I met for the first time, let alone date a second time. She's acting like a bottom-feeder, and that's not where I want to be.
She has commented on my positive changes, both my treatment of her and my physical improvements, and inquires about my professional progress, all suggesting attention to me. Yet our odds of any reconciation have a lot to do with her - what she'll do and how she'll end up, and I have no control over that. Do I flavor our interactions by DBing? Definitely. But my future DBing will be more about my personal growth than about XW.
I'm keeping the faith, folks. DBing works. I've seen it over and over in those of you committed to changing. Prevention work is often the hardest to measure in terms of effect. But just imagine where any of us right now having gone through our sitches without DBing. Not a pretty picture.
In terms of all of our sitches, time will tell. As on Day 1, time and patience are our friends. Just much more of each than likely anyone anticipate.
