There's s/t very sexy about a woman wearing a piece of dental floss b/t her cheeks. Besides, I don't think a pair of white support top granny panties would rile her quite the same.
Given Jo's racy scene with her XH, I'm thinking sexual attraction is an important component to DBing longterm... I showed XW some skin this Sat by wearing running shorts and a tank top to reveal my new improved bod a bit more, and I think it worked, in terms of me catching her checking me out twice within 5 min (once to shoulders/chest, and once to the legs/booty). All is fair in love and war.
I dropped S6 with XW this am. Interestingly, she asked to meet at the same gas station that we were using during the RO (expired finally). I'm going to keep going along with that until she suggests otherwise. In response, I'll keep my home open to her. Anyway, I had a TV interview this am on a local morning show (about instilling thankfullness in one's children - like I know, given S6's behavior this weekend. ) and XW had moaned on Sun morn about having to drive him to school. But this am, she was friendly, and said, "Good luck with your interview!" in a supportive way. I bumped into her later this am in the mailroom, and she asked me how it went, and kept the conversation going despite a coworker walking in. We had some good laughs about my experience and she seemed to linger a bit, but I said talk to you later, and left. Lots of friendliness...
A side issue. I bought one of those big balloon-like exercise balance balls this weekend to help me work on my abs. Quite a few hilarious moments as I was rolled, thrown, and bounced from the ball while trying to figure out my balance. Wish I had filmed it, as I nearly busted a gut laughing at times.
Going to Vegas on Fri to meet up and let loose with some DBer's....woo-hoo!!!
I got on a nordic track the other day and made myself look like an idiot. That will be the last time because there is no way I can master that messed up piece of equipment. Good thing we can laugh at ourselves.
Its nice to see the friendliness continue with the XW. Reading through your threads, I am inspired by your patience and I hope it pays huge dividends for you.
Have fun in Vegas. Don't get too drunk and let Elvis try to marry you!
Well I made a big backslide today. I ran across XW's personal ad that conveyed interests in meeting men and women at nude resorts/beaches for 'fun activities' and confronted her.
She denied everything, then called me "judgmental" - this coming from the woman who called me a perv and never forgiving me for looking at porn ~ 6 yrs ago. Can we say hypocritical.
Anyway, I am a mess emotionally, feeling anger, sadness, frustration. Woud does a real "friend" do if one's friend is acting in such a chaotic fashion - overspending, drinking, now promiscuity...
I think I should have a great time in Vegas and just forget about her, yet I can't fully b/c I have so much baggage, obviously. Plus, I've grown personally so that I can't betray myself as she's apparently doing to herself. How are you all forgetting your spouses who are seemingly going bonkers/MLCing?
At the end of the convo, XW said she didn't want to talk about it anymore and said "I'll talk to you later." But I still expect some sizable damage to our R. But at least things are more real now.
Gabe, I've written and rewritten a response to your last post. I'm just gonna post the common theme:
As long as your son is safe with her, then her personal life is none of your business. I know it sounds harsh, and it ticked me off when a good friend told me the same. But, it is true and as soon as I understood that and started respecting her privacy, it got alot easier for me.
I hope this helps you get to where you need to go. I know it helped me.
My thereapist tells me everytime I see her that my Ex's life is none of my business. It hurts to hear that, and sometimes I still think that I should know everything,after all I was with him for 32 years, but she is right. I tell myself that everytime that I think about him with the OW.
I agree with Hope and Julie. As long as S6 is not in danger, you're into X's business, not your own, by mentioning this kind of stuff.
Yeah, she's hypocritical. But that's her business, too. Let S6 see in you an example of the kind of adult you want him to be. Let yourself see in you the guy you want to be.
Quote: How are you all forgetting your spouses who are seemingly going bonkers/MLCing?
I haven't forgotten her. I never will. I'm conciously and deliberately, in fits and starts and backslides, setting my course without her.
See ya!
Thanks,
K
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
Quote: How are you all forgetting your spouses who are seemingly going bonkers/MLCing?
Because they are NOT our spouses and whatever they are doing has NOTHING to do with us.
I had a lightbulb moment this evening. EX-WIFE was here this evening for S5's birthday and she seemed upset and I even asked, if there was something wrong? And she said no.
She was in some sort of funk this evening, related to what I do not know and here is the best part, I don't have to know and I don't have to care! Her crap is now her crap and has nothing to do with me and if it does, I do not care. What a weight lifted this evening.
I don't necessarily agree that a D paper or one's behavior negates one's spiritual M vows, so to this day I'm wrestling with her relevance in my life. What she does will have to do with me if it affects S6 in a negative way. I believe that has already been happening, but not in a clear, extreme way. Merely a slow insidious theft of some of his happiness and security. But outside of the extreme, I need to keep it in the category of "not my business."
It'll be better for him and me for me to break from this DBing for some time or completely. Whatever hopes I had left are buried in my current disgust. I don't want to be friends with the kind of person she is. I think I'm done. Thank you all for your great support. You've helped me to grow as a person in ways I didn't truly believe were possible, and I intend to keep those changes going.
You've brought me out of retirement, which is probably not a good thing.
I've been giving thought to some of your post and wish to offer my thoughts.
"I don't necessarily agree that a D paper or one's behavior negates one's spiritual M vows, . . ."
This one I do not begin to understand. We would all like to have revived our marriages in a much more positive way, but this did not happen. The EX-spouse broke those vows, spiritual, physical, emotional when they left. There is no more marriage or intimate R.
Personal, specific, perceived negative behaviors may or may not have an adverse affect on children, but unless the children are in some harm or fear, we cannot question, police or control another's behavior.
We make all make personal choices and many may agree or disagree with them, but they are OUR personal choices.
"It'll be better for him and me for me to break from this DBing for some time or completely."
DBing is NOT about behaviors designed to elicit reactions or responses from other people. DBing is about becoming a better person, which you have done a tremdous job. But you are still too occupied with how your actions are perceived. Be yourself. You are a very good self and when you start calculating and measuring your self, you are not a true self.
) and XW had moaned on Sun morn about having to drive him to school. But this am, she was friendly, and said, "Good luck with your interview!" in a supportive way. I bumped into her later this am in the mailroom, and she asked me how it went, and kept the conversation going despite a coworker walking in. We had some good laughs about my experience and she seemed to linger a bit, but I said talk to you later, and left. Lots of friendliness...
