I arrived early for S6's swim lesson, and XW came up to sit next to me and talk. I noticed that she was able to compliment some of the positives going on in my life, and seemed to be freer about sharing things occuring in hers. The convo was much less about S6 and more about her and I as individuals. A few tangents where she went off to make fun of some men in her life (rowdy male neighbors that she's warring with about their noise level). In particular, I noticed that she made fun of their being overweight, and reflected on the many times she picked at my appearance during our M. I'm so much more confident being away from that.
We went over the upcoming holiday schedule, and I assertively insisted that I had S6 on Thanksgiving as per the D agreement, and despite a somewhat soured mood, she overcame that well to discuss other dates. When she called me at home later yesterday eve, her mood soured again when I reminded her that she'd be driving S6 to/from school, as I had stayed home w/him on Wed, and as I had furniture being delivered to my house.
I noticed that she seems to be using silence to see if I'll slip into Mr. Eggshell-Walker regarding receiving what is mine. I must have been so easy to manipulate in the past. I forced myself to just allow things to be - my Thankgiving with S6 is right, her driving him to/from school today is a just trade for my staying home with him on Wed. If she thinks that's unfair or shifts into a pouty mood, that's her choice/stuff, not mine.
Regardless, its stressful - b/c I still care about her, and am worried about screwing up my 'chances' to win her back. I need to keep that rope dropped, stay confident in myself, and stay positive. Less about her, more about me.
Going kayaking again late afternoon after work meetings to look for more dolphin.
