Had a nice weekend. Took in some latin-themed music at the local orchestra Fri night, enjoyed some drinks at a nearby pub afterward. Sat, I allowed myself to sleep in - did so until early afternoon. Haven't done that in about 17-18 years. Not sure if I will again (I love doing things with my days), but it was good to try.
On Sat night, went to a nearby town and was able to talk my way into a Cuban club to enjoy very danceable music. A bit too much to drink overall this weekend, but I had a fun time. Good convos with a few women who showed interest.
I enjoyed putting the place together more. The garage is cleared, with things put away in the attic, and better organization inside. I gave some unwanted items away. I also noticed that XW left a sizable box of her momentos, some from the M, some predating me.
Sounded like XW had a falling out with her parents, who visited Fri but left early Sat. S6 was excited to visit with me. They both seemed out of sorts at transfer, so I asked "Is everything alright? Is S6 okay?" XW replied, "Yes, but I'm not." She noted a bladder infection and noted that she is on Cipro (do they prescribe that for bladder infections?). I was able to validate and show empathy, and she thanked me for taking S6.
Later, she called to check on him. I forget the actualy wording, but she stated that she was going to a gynecologist finally (tends to neglect her annual exam) and I noted that it was great to hear that she was working hard to fit an exam into her busy schedule. XW went on a self-defacing spin, noting how flaky she has been at work, how she's droppign the ball here and there, and she seemed to allude that she didn't really care about her health right now. I said in a softened voice that I was sorry she had some difficult thigns going on, but that she has a lot of wonderful living to look forward to, and that S6 needed a healthy mommy. (probably should have kept it focused on her).
Anyway, she seemd to be handing off some school-related responsibilities to me - like getting S6's pictures arranged and wanted to follow my lead in terms of setting up a consistent plan for his allowance and a reinforcement plan for his behavior. I rephrased it as a cooperative effort, and thanked her for joining me with it.
A FF told me that XW is lonely, is frustrated with dating, has invested in an expensive new sextoy (can you pay $200+ for a vibrator?!), has gotten at least her bellybutton pierced, and is going to nude beaches. Ugggh. We went to a nude beach twice in our M, with both rather mixed experiences. Lots of older gay males, so I got more attention that her and she got very jealous of the few women there. It was an effort to boost her self-esteem/body image/sexuality issue, so maybe that's what's going on again. The highlight for me was swimming nude in the surf with her, but she got freaky about being in the ocean naked. It was a nice playful time for us -rare for us to let loose together like that - at least in our later M years.
Overall, some positives these past 5 days: More GAL activities for me, settling into the house with fewer bumps of sheer sadness, XW and I had 3 meaningful positive exchanges in person or via phone, and S6 and I are loving spending more time together in the house. Also, XW seems to be leaning toward offering me more time with S6. My goal here is not to 'win' him away from her, but to give her more alone time to work thru her depression/MLC stuff. Ultimately, reconciliation or no, I want her to be happy and healthy.
Sam, I got and am listening to the CD "How to divorce as friends" while driving around in my truck. Very helpful, nice compliment to DBing.
and she got very jealous of the few women there. It was an effort to boost her self-esteem/body image/sexuality issue, so maybe that's what's going on again. The highlight for me was swimming nude in the surf with her, but she got freaky about being in the ocean naked. It was a nice playful time for us -rare for us to let loose together like that - at least in our later M years.
