Brief synopsis: M ~ 9.5 yrs D on 5/2/05 XW 34 & in ~ MLC Me 38 S6
Wow - I've been D'd for 5 months as of yesteday. I see XW several times a week regarding S6's transfers. We work together but have near opposite schedules, so its possible to not see one another there. XW moved out of the marital home to her new condo on 9/24-29. I moved back 'home' on 9/30.
Wow - the emotions that hit when I first came thru the doors and navigated the rooms. At two points, my knees buckled and I sobbed uncontrollably. I felt overwhelmed with a mixture of sadness and despair. This was not how my life was supposed to be. Just then, out of the blue, I received a call from Koshka (thank you!) who talked some sense into me, gave me hope regarding my future, and reminded me of the benefits of dropping the rope and letting XW do her own work. After that point, I did start to see the positives. A friend came over later and also pointed out the advantages of making my own calls re decorating, guests, etc...
I had S6 over with me Sat thru this am. We had some fun, but I was busier than I like to be with him around, as I had to shop or receive basic things like mattresses, bedding, etc...
We bumped into XW late Sun morn at home goods store. I was racing S6 to for an emergency pitstop at the time, and it really surprised me to bump into her. She was alone (thank God!), and seemed comfortable seeing him. S6 got upset a bit, wanting to be with her but wanting to be w/ me too. She let him help her put her things in her car while I stayed in the store, and then brought him back. S6 said, "Dad why didn't you talk to her?" I replied, "Sometimes S6, I just dont know what to say to her." S6 said, "Well, you could tell her she looks pretty." From the mouth of babes.
Later that day, he told me while crying: "Dad I get sad sometimes when I think that our family is broken apart." I just held and rocked him. This move was hard on him. I think he may have imagined my moving home as making it "all better." Instead, its more of the same, just in new locations.
I could tell that someone (ILs likely) had helped XW clean in a quick busy fashion. Lots of work on the bathrooms, which were filthy while she was there (she had difficulty cleaning them due to some childhood abuse stuff). But other signs of her being less than herself included food all under the couches, with a stream of ants coming in to feast. Another issue was that several lightbulbs were burned out in the master bedroom and bathroom. She was living in a dark, poorly lit manner. I cleaned up quite a bit, treated the ant problem, changes the bulbs, and made notes of other to-do items.
Still hunting for bedroom furniture, adding some bright colors to the place and hopefully will do okay with the house while its just me. I'll have S6 again after school til 7:30 pm.
