Quote: I am not picking on you, really I’m not, but this statement “People do change and they have to be allowed to change” again differs in relation to men or women.
It's okay. I don't feel like you're picking on me. Maybe the thing about being open to change in oneself or another is more personality-related than gender-related.
If you're at all familiar with the Meyers-Briggs personality types, the last letter of the four-letter designation (ENFJ, ISTP, INFP, etc.) is either J or P. The J type (judging) is said to be a personality type who likes things to be settled, closed, defined, concluded. The P (perceiving) type is said to be more comfortable with things being unsettled, open-ended, undecided.
So a J type might make a statement about his or her position and intend it to be in concrete, and the P person might be stating a mood that s/he does not want to be held to 15 minutes from now.
I'm not sure whether these comments are relevant to what you said. Kind of tired, not tracking too well. I guess if you're wondering if your W is just thinking out loud or if she is handing down a pronouncement from the mountaintop, you can always ask her.
I remember something that happened with my late husband. Our SL had become pretty lackluster due to various things. I remember one night in bed I just rolled over toward him and planted a big wet kiss on him like the way we used to do when we were first married. He didn't really respond, and when I broke the kiss, he said, "What are you doing?" I said, kind of miffed, "I was kissing you." He said, "Well, that's not our accustomed pattern." Needless to say, that killed the mood, and I never did that again. (My bad, but somewhat understandable.)
My point is that both parties try to define and predict each other, even if the definition includes expectations of spontaneity. It seems hard to react honestly in the moment without being burdened too much by past or future, kwim?
