There is not a coffee shop around here within a 45 minute drive That is a horrifying sentence to read. So women are not attracted to emotional men in general or just women like my wife? Can't speak for your W but most people believe doing a 180 is needed in long-term R's that are going stale. So whatever you have been presenting to her (and you know perfectly well what that is), try and do the opposite. Monitor results. On a personal note, I find you are one of the most attractive men on this board. You are emotional yet can intellectualize your situation to realize when your emotions are detrimental. Not that you always know what to do with those emotions (and who does really), but you have a strong sense of self-awareness. You are analytical. Love that! You take suggestions/opinions/advice very well. You are very sensitive. Some women would probably think you are too sensitive but I think it is very attractive. But, I'm not your W. I only "see" you through this computer screen. Don't have to live with you day in and day out LOL. It's not a realistic assessment of you as a person but your persona on the boards is very appealing (to me). Can't speak for all women but since we're friends I thought I would share that with you. Don't discount these traits as not attractive - in general. They are! BUT since you are working on your M you need to figure out what traits/behaviors SHE finds attractive to HER. Yet, STILL KEEP THE BEST PARTS OF YOURSELF INTACT. You cannot change for someone else. You are who you are. She needs to accept that or not. Just like I need to either accept my H for his BASIC qualitites that he will always possess or not. Sure he can tweak it here and there (and that is working), but he will never be someone that he is not at his CORE. You can get into all the FOO stuff and biological/genetic traits that are inherited (more nature than nurture), but figuring out which ones are which is the hard part. Is your W genetically programmed to simply be LD? Is her FOO such an influence on her sexuality that breaking through that influence will be near impossible? Can't say for sure but let's face it, it's going to be a very uphill battle. She never was HD so it's not like she lost it, and she does not show any real affort AT THIS POINT to change. Then again, my H was LD throughout our M and now we are having frequent sex. Needed to go through hell to get here but never say never. My gut is telling me you are going to need a major shake up in your own M to see any real effort to change on your W's part. You'll figure it out Globule. You have friends to get you through it!
