"First off stop caring what I or others think of you. Smack Smack. You are a grown succesful man with your own beliefs and life to live. Smack, Smack." I do appreciate the sentiment, but if all it took was someone beating the crap out of me to get me to change who I am, I'd have volunteered to be the practice target at the local Karate dojo a long time ago. I am going to work on it, but do not be surprised if the "do you hate me?" type post crops up occasionally.
Well, let me explain a bit of the murk. I was doing much better as the week progressed, everyone here was giving me great advice. Even if a lot of it was contradictory, I expected that and thought I could handle it. Then Friday something just switched in me. It has been this way for several weeks now, so I don't think it was this board that did it. Maybe it is the anticipation that I am going to be around my wife for long periods of time. I do feel an intense desire for her physically pretty much all the time. The fore-knowledge that I will be feeling that but there will be no reciprocation I guess just sends me into a tizzy. Imagine the woman you feel the most intense physical desire for (some movie star or whoever) and then imagine being around that person for 24 hours and having the knowledge that sex and affection are not only allowed but should be there, but are not. That is the murk in my head. Sure, thoughts of the OW are there playing with my emotions, but I think that those thoughts are a redirection of my unfulfilled fantasies at home. I'm no psychologist so I may be deluding myself, but it rings true to me in my mind (murky as it is).
I took HP's advice and did no talking about R last night. I just made myself available to do whatever she needed and worked on household chores and some work I brought home when she was sleeping. I did try to joke around a bit, and got a little smile from her (she made a comment while nursing the newborn about how good he smelled after his bath with all the baby lotions and stuff. I responded by saying maybe I should slather myself in the stuff). Not much of a joke, but it was something. I also showed her small bits of affection to let her know I am not pulling away (rubbed her leg while she watched SVU, gave her a couple of hugs, etc.) I tried not to let the murk in my head be shown, but who knows if I was successfull.
No I haven't scheduled it yet, stupid me. I haven't even gone over to get a parking permit and have racked up quite a few tickets. They'll forgive the tickets when I get the permit, but it is still just another sign of how I am not being very responsible right now. I'll call the dude today ... and get a stupid parking permit.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
All this arguing with your intellectual betters getting to you? Trust me, being outwitted by all of the intellectual prowess on this board was NOT the reason for my headache. And good thing my H wasn't home because I would have given him the oldest excuse in the book for no sex
I tried but she is booked up for awhile. She has made herself available for people dealing with the Katrina aftermath, and those people's problems are certainly worse than mine. The other problem is that she is about a 1.5 hour drive each way from me, so it is hard to find a 4 hour block of time (driving plus counseling) in the day, especially when I am needed at home.
I am going to call the self-esteem specialist today.
Sorry about being such a bummer everyone. I've just been having some troubles with this. I'll perk up soon.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I think you've struck gold with the thought that your own self esteem issues are what is causing the hole in your soul these days--OW and W are just the hot sticks poking in the hole.
Make some positive strong moves for yourself. It all starts there, right!
P.S. Understand that I am not talking about taking time away from W and the kiddoes with the counseling. They all need you desperately now. If you flake out too much, you will be left--in a few years--with bad memories of yourself. Let's try to minimize those I hate myself feelings and be pro-active now, whaddya say!
"Trust me, being outwitted by all of the intellectual prowess on this board was NOT the reason for my headache. And good thing my H wasn't home because I would have given him the oldest excuse in the book for no sex"
It must have been the thought of getting a Keane autograph. I'll bet your one of those women who screams and faints if a hot celebrity smiles at you, aren't you. Although, come to think if it, he isn't particularly hot based on what some women have told me. Too much of a baby-face.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
As ironic and amusing as I find what it is that you do, I'm more interested in finding out what you are doing to be a better wife. Other than the hot sex you mean? Well, he wants more words of affirmation so I am making a true effort to do that. Also, I think he would like it if I did more acts of service around the house. That one is so not me so I am struggling but I guess I should be getting out of my comfort zone more. I'll try. He really brings you coffee and a muffin every morning? We take turns you big stinker. Get off my case! Spoiled brat. Do I have roll around on the floor right now and have a temper tantrum. Don't make me hold my breath! Any suprises for him when he gets home with your Keane autograph? Wellll....He has been very generous in the "oral pleasures" department with me to I think I'll return the favor
You are right, I know it, and I think everyone else on this board does too.
I just don't really know how to explain how I feel, but I'll try. I think to myself, boy wouldn't this be great to do (some new hobby, etc.) and as soon as the thought that it would be about me sets in and not involve other people, there is this sudden pall over the whole issue. It is also like a dagger just strikes my heart and I start to feel sick to my stomach. I would rather be in intense physical pain than be alone. Maybe I have some sort of OCD about companionship. Is that making any sense?
Anyway, despite how I feel I gotta just push past it. I'm trying, and your encouraging words and the words of others does help. I just wish I had some IRL friends that I could talk to like this.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
It must have been the thought of getting a Keane autograph. I'll bet your one of those women who screams and faints if a hot celebrity smiles at you, aren't you. Although, come to think if it, he isn't particularly hot based on what some women have told me. Too much of a baby-face. You're insane I am not shallow enough or young enough (lol) to scream at "hot" celebrities. And yes, he does have a baby face. It's the lyrics to the songs that make him "hot." Words last so much longer and mean much more than a pretty face (although I like them too.)
Your situation reminds me more and more of a diluted version of mid-life crisis (but then some MLC issues seem to me like the relationship problems discussed here). The reason I reiterate this is due to the confusion you are going through. Those in MLC have the same mixed feelings, but with a strong dose of anger and resentment. I do not see that in your posts, (at least not yet) which is why I think you have not left the house (I bet if this occurred 5 or 10 years from now, when the kids are older, you could have easily walked out).
But those in MLC need a lot of time to work through their emotions. The anger prolongs this. Once they settle down and are able to rationally think, they can see things in a different light and make a decision on what they want. Read the MLC boards. This theme is everywhere.
When I get into this information overload situation, the best thing I can do is leave it alone for a while. If I can completely focus on something else, the issues seem to settle into their own place by themselves. Then I can go through them one by one. For me, I think this lets me settle into how I feel about each topic, so then I can decide what to do about it. I can’t make this decision if I don’t know how I feel. Doing this is not easy for me, but not doing it is worse.
Just my amateurish opinion, not to be taken as diagnosis. Cobra
Although, come to think if it, he isn't particularly hot based on what some women have told me. Too much of a baby-face. 
Do I have roll around on the floor right now and have a temper tantrum. Don't make me hold my breath!
