"if your R with your wife initiated out of secrecy, deception, and a feeling of entitlment.... or being self- serving." Well, I guess it is possible that in my naivite I had some of those things present, but I am pretty darn sure that was not the case. I guess every relationship is self-serving to some degree as we are all looking to have our needs met.
"R with OW made you feel good, but it was also extremely self- destructive. It was not good for anything you want to accomplish." I can see how it was self-destructive in that it could cost me my chance at a good relationship with the W. But then again, and I truly believe this, that if it had not happened I would have eventually divorced my wife, and probably sooner rather than later. There was a lot of crap building up inside me but it wasn't until the EA happened (and then ended) that I really started to look closely at it. Was there a better way I could have reached this enlightenment, yes I'm sure. Would anything less than a major shake-up in my paradigm have gotten through to me in my walled-up state, probably not. I believe there is a purpose to everything in life. I haven't quite figured out the whole purpose for what has happened yet, but it is coming to me slowly.
"Feelings are tricky, the stronger they are the more likely they coerce us into making the wrong choice" I think the word likely is important in that statement. Following our feelings is not always a bad choice.
"As an observer you are all over the place right now globule. HP is right all of this is going into your W's do not forget file of resentment." I know, I know. I'm not following the blackfoot model very well. Too disorganized in my thoughts, to emotional, too needy, too pushy, to wimpy. I know my W can't be feeling too much respect for me right now. I guess all I can do is keep trying to be Mr. Cool until it sticks. And if the W builds up a huge wall of resentment in the meantime, I guess we'll deal with it at the right time, one way or another.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Too disorganized in my thoughts, to emotional, too needy, too pushy, to wimpy. I know my W can't be feeling too much respect for me right now. I guess all I can do is keep trying to be Mr. Cool until it sticks. And if the W builds up a huge wall of resentment in the meantime, I guess we'll deal with it at the right time, one way or another.