Quote: Well, I guess I didn't state very clearly the point I was trying to make with the quote you included, which shouldn't surpise you. I was not trying to minimize the choice she made. I'm sure she did what she thinks was best for her. I don't know the exact dynamic of how the choice was given to her.
The main point I was trying to make was that the breakup wasn't something we both mutually came upon after reflecting upon the situation (which is what we should have done), instead it was a rather abrupt and unexpected end. Had it happened the first way, I probably would be mostly over it by now. But the way it happened left too many threads dangling, too many items that will never get closure.
You seem to keep wanting to minimize her choice by your words - a mind game in which you tell yourself that secretly she still wants to be with you but she was *forced* by her husband to dump you. Earlier you said it wasn't her choice. You reiterated that thought here.
The reality is that there is no closure that would be truly good enough. Breakups of any relationship seldom occur because *both* parties want to.
Often, when affairees are posting about closure, it is a form of Hollywoodish star-crossed lovers, who are sacrificing their one true chance at happiness, while declaring their undying love for one another.
That is betrayal to your spouses of the crassest sort.
Quote: The main point I was trying to make was that the breakup wasn't something we both mutually came upon after reflecting upon the situation (which is what we should have done)
Why is this what you should have done?
Quote: I know intuitively that I need to make a complete break, but how do I make my mind just stop thinking about her.
Stop feeding the monster by discussing it with your mutual friend. It would also be of tremendous help if you weren't encountering her regularly at work. I don't know that you will stop thinking about her as long as you get to see her 5 days a week.
The endorphins and brain chemistry change that occurs during infatuation usually last from 6 months to 2 years. You're not merely battling thoughts, you're battling literal physical changes that have occurred. In fact, studies have shown that those brain chemical changes are conducive to obsessive thoughts.
In other words, it's not going to go away overnight. It takes time. That time is extended as long as there is contact between you.
I am not trying to bust your chops. I am trying to get you to look through the foggy assumptions and assertions with which you are dealing.
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"self-deceptive and self-serving" Words that describe me well.
"Energy expending toward the other woman, is energy stolen from your wife, your children and your marriage" And you forgot from me and my own journey to a better image of myself.
Did you have any of these feelings toward your wife at the intiation of your relationship?
