Quote: You have to remember that OW really didn't break it off either. Her husband found out and forced her. My W does not know that detail. I didn't want her to worry about what OW's husband might do. That is another reason for keeping tabs through the mutual friend. I might get some advance warning if he decides to go ballistic. I'm guessing that if he hasn't after a month, he probably won't.
I call bull$hit.
You're trying to go by the methadone treatment for affairs.
You are continuing to get a "fix" or "buzz" by focusing on, thinking about, and talking about the office paramour with the mutual friend. It's not as good as the pure heroin of her presence and interaction, but it vicariously keeps the thrill and vibe going for you.
And there's something just a little self-deceptive and self-serving at justifying doing so in the guise of watching out for what the husband might do because you're concerned for your wife.
Secondly, stop minimizing what she did by breaking it off with you. She wasn't "forced" by her husband. He gave her a boundary as in "continue the relationship with Glob and I will bow out of the marriage." That's not force, that's choice. She chose him over you. Chose her marriage over a dalliance with you. The reality is, until total avoidance is achieved and time has gone by, the two of you are very vulnerable to picking right back up where it started, with an even stronger compulsion to take it further.
Energy expending toward the other woman, is energy stolen from your wife, your children and your marriage.
