"What are you doing up posting at close to 4am? I thought you were near the east coast but maybe I was wrong?" I'll tell you in a 'what happened last night' post in a little bit. I actually live in the deep south in a tiny little town that only people from this county have heard of.
"I might get a little cranky in my posts" Yeah, so what else is new.
"I just wanted to die, kill myself, end it" Yet another similarity to our stories. Weird. Boy, knowing how that feels I am sure sorry you had to go through it. It really sucks at the time, and it really sucks afterwards when you realize how close you came to doing something really selfish and dumb. Again, I hope no one thinks I posted that to gain sympathy, quite the opposite. I saw that incident as being a real low point for me. It did give me an appreciation of what people who are in that kind of bad place are going through though.
"I felt so alone" That was the crux of the suicidal feeling. Who could I talk to about this? What do you hear about on TV about "cheaters?" They are the scum of the Earth, just a few steps above serial rapists. Where I live more than half the people in the county are either related to my wife or are friends with the family. I can tell you pretty confidently that if my wife was of the vengeful mindset, there is a non-zero probability that I would just "disappear." You may think that melodramatic, but my FIL has talked about it happening for lesser offenses.\
"I understand!" I can tell. Thanks for being here for me. Today I have gotten myself into "be cool" mode. I'm not going to let anything W does faze me or make me start spouting off stuff. I'm going to try to make that last for a few days and see its effects. It helps that my brothers are coming into town to visit the newborn, and a good friend is stopping by on Friday. If I have some fun to look forward to, then I can usually be Mr. Cool during the work times. I can work hard as long as I know I'm going to get to play hard.
"You know I waver back and forth several times in one day so my next post might be totally melancholy" I know the feeling.
Oh god! No way would I be listening to that song late at night when I am lonely. Are you sure YOU don't have brass ones?
Thanks for the motivating post. It does help. I hope you don't get tired of hearing me say "thanks for being my friend" cause I think I'll probably say it a lot.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
