What are you doing up posting at close to 4am? I thought you were near the east coast but maybe I was wrong?
Actually I was up later than I usually am. H is off to Boston so I was up late watching bad tv and reading the posts. I really wish he was here right now because he usually gets me my coffee and chocolate chip muffin from Dunkin Donuts. So I am sitting here cranky without my caffeine and don't really feel like gathering up the kids and driving there myself. You know what this means don't you? I might get a little cranky in my posts but I will try my best to find coffee/chocolate asap

Seriously though, I wanted to comment on this:
I am not suicidal anymore, and I am actually ashamed that I even was for a short time. It was a cowardly response not worthy of me, and extraordinarily unfair to my wife and children and everyone else in my life. Thanks for caring though.
I just wanted to say that MANY people have had those feelings even if they don't admit to them due to shame or whatever. You are brave, not cowardly. I had those feelings myself when my H left suddenly. I specifically remember the next day. My friend came over to try and console me and I threw myself on my bed balling my eyes out and told her I just wanted to die, kill myself, end it. Looking back I can't believe that was me. That is so not like me and luckily I bounced back pretty quick but the feeling was there even if for only a few hours. It was real and it was terrifying. I couldn't see the future in front of me. No H, no job, two kids, you get the idea. I felt so alone.
The "one chance at happiness" comment comes from my fear that I will spend the rest of my life trying to have the relationship I want with my wife and never succeeding, the passion hovering just out of my reach.
 I think this relates to our feelings of desperation at the time. It is hard to see other options when you are in the midst of such turmoil. You do have choices Globule so don't forget that. Of course you hope it will work out with your W. I hope it will work out with my H. I think it is too soon for either of us to know if that will be the outcome. Our wounds are too fresh. We are wearing our hearts on our sleeves like you said and are in ultra-sensitive mode. The thought of no passion the rest of our lives makes us insane. I understand! That's why I was encouraging taking it one day at a time. If I look at my future with H and see the kids grown and us still in the same old M, I get totally depressed. But who can say what will happen tomorrow, next month, next year. Our future isn't set in stone even if we stay in our M. I guess it helps to have a new perspective. This is me being miss optimist right now You know I waver back and forth several times in one day so my next post might be totally melancholy Speaking of melancholy, it was past midnight last night and it was just me and the dog (kids asleep), sitting almost in the dark listening to "We Might As Well Be Strangers" - the saddest Keane song for sure. Can you say "Glutton for Punishment?"
Where's my coffee!!!!