The saga continues

[chromosphere]

"He was obviously distraught over his LIFE not just OW."
I truly do think that if my marriage was stronger, if I had felt a strong connection with my wife, and if my self-esteem was a lot stronger, the loss of the OW would have hurt, but it would not have produced the same ultra-strong reaction that it did. Of course, if I had a strong connection with my wife, I probably wouldn't have had the EA (not blaming wife here, I am to blame for the lack of connection), so I guess it is a moot point. Oh well.

I think that mix of low self-esteem, troubled marriage, and strong EC with OW that is suddenly broken can be more devestating than most people think. Let's just say when I hear stories of people starting down that same road I went down, I can already see the tears starting to flow.

But as we have so often talked about, there was some good. I have some evidence now that my long-held low opinion of my physical self is not true. And I have a much better idea now of what I want out of a R. And I truly do think that if the EA had not happened, our marriage was heading for divorce. I look back now at some of the thoughts I was hiding from myself, and I am amazed that we weren't already there before the EA happened.

For example, and you will all probably think I am absolutely awful for thinking this, but I am going to tell it anyway. Do you remember that great line from "As good as it gets" where Jack Nicholson tells Helen Hunt that "she makes him want to be a better person." I can distinctly remember thinking once or twice earlier this year that I felt like my wife "makes me feel like a worse person", the exact opposite sentiment. I'm glad I bit my tongue and never said it, because I now know it was just resentment over years of physical rejection. But that sort of stuff was building up inside me, and it wasn't until the EA that I started thinking outside the little box I was living in and started really researching this relationship thing. And I ended up here.