About the counseling sessions--I was always amazed at the things that would come out at our joint counseling sessions, like ILYBNILWY, and that he was still involved with Ow. Does your wife go to individual counseling as well? I know that this really helped me. After some of the things I found out, I felt safer being open to the C during the individual sessions. The joint sessions often left me frustrated and just plain ticked off.
About not being able to wait a year--how long has your W known about the affair? It could be that her small gesture is that she's still sticking around. Do you know how hard that is? When my H woke up and decided that he wanted to come back home, he thought the change would be immediate. That I would be ready, willing and able to welcome him back home and everything would be just fine. A friend of mine told him it would be a long, uphill climb. The toughest thing he'd ever do....That was 3 months ago. He couldn't even be nice to me, let alone show me he loved me. Get that? "Show me" Not just tell me, not just say the words. He's still seeing ow, has never ended it with her. It seems to me that if he was sincere, that ending it, completely ending it with ow would be the first thing he would do.
I have to say that I am beyond the point of no return. But there are some things that would have made a difference for me. He could have ended it with OW immediately, found another job, moved us closer to our families, made himself an open book, gotten rid of the cell phones, helped out with the kids more, helped out around the house more. It would have been a long slow process, but those things would have made a difference
"Your W needs to embrace the new you as well." To her, the new you may be a reminder of the affair and the betrayal. It may be hard for her to embrace the "new you". Heck, she married the old you, right? I see the positive changes as helping around the house, helping with the kids, etc. The changes that are sexual in nature just remind her of the connection to ow, the affair. My H started taking herbal supplements, changed the way he dressed, started wearing new cologne. All those things just made me feel that the R with OW had changed him forever and he just wasn't my H anymore.
