I need to position my statements in terms of a broader strategy, which I have not outlined. First LFL, I totally agree with everything you said. She needs to accept her part in this and what she did to push him away. This mess is a 50/50 affair. But his will not move her off center. Right now I don’t think she wants anything to do with him. So step one is to let her process her anger. She cannot rationally acknowledge her faults as long as she is filled with anger.
Once she gets this out of her system, then she will be open to hearing his apology. This will not be easy or come quickly. It will be the hardest and most prolonged part of this process and could take months (hopefully not). Once she can accept this, then she can start to listen to her issues. This will take even longer, as you know. The approach I see is little different from what I am proposing to Oh_So_Blue on the MLC thread. I think she is slowly making good progress, and it could work here too.
But I do not think the DB method espoused for MLC will work. And the time it will take if it does work will drive Globule insane. Communication is good for both Globule and his wife. She wants this as much as he. EVERY time my wife an I get to such an impasse, we can always resolve things once we start communicating. She wants this connection but will not let herself have it. The problem is getting her to work through her anger, open up, become vulnerable and talk. I see the same here.
For some of your other comments, yes, in many ways all of this is a guess. Nothing is guaranteed, but I think you are making the mistake of reading the events literally. Few people truly act as they really feel. That is why most of us are dysfunctional. If we acted in a way that reflected our true feelings, none of this would ever arise. I think she is very hurt. I don’t think she wants to divorce. I think she wants a happy marriage and family. All of this is a guess, but I never met anyone who wanted to worst option the future could hold without exploring every possibility first. If this is not the case, then she is truly disturbed and there is no hope anyway. So trying this won’t make any difference.
This is my take and my guess. And no, I’m not taking it personally. We are all trying to help. Cobra
