glob, I didn't have time to read all of the posts in detail, but I did read about your so-called catastrophe the other night. NOT a catastrophe. Don't have time to go into detail, but remember, if you get any kind of emotional reaction out of her, that's good. Exchanging feelings is good. You CANNOT ruin this marriage with one conversation. YOU and your feelings are not dangerous to her. Revealing yourself will not hurt her.
Regarding the OW... I think I said something like this to LFL a while back-- GET THIS: the feelings that you have/had about yourself with the OW, all of those feelings, qualities, etc, ARE IN YOU with or without the OW. You allowed them to come out in her presence because she was welcoming, but she didn't PUT those things in you. They are part of who you are-- the fun, the sexiness, the playfulness, the imagination. Those are yours and no one, not even your W, can take them away from you or out of you. Do you understand that? Now that you know you can be this man, you can BE him now, whether or not there ever is anyone like the OW again, or whether there are a succession of them in your life. It's like a switch that has been turned on in you and it cannot be turned off unless YOU make the conscious decision to turn it off.
Yes, mourn the loss and the impossibility of you and OW being together (and EVERYONE becomes a husband or a wife after you marry them! Believe me!), but do not use your grief as an excuse to fold up the happy sexy globule and put him in a box in a drawer.
