Gosh, I looked back at a few of my posts and didn't realize how much I was "dropping the hint" as they say.
Well if you must know, three things happened:
(1) Our counselor told us (and my wife agreed to this) that we should have 1 hour of non-sexual intimacy a week. The C believes (and I somewhat agree with her) that my wife avoids affection because she is afraid it will lead to sex, so we are just supposed to be affectionate to one another with the understanding that it will not lead to sex. Understand this, the C basically told my wife she only has to touch me for 1 hour a week! That sucks but I was willing to go along with it as a baby step. Well in the 5 weeks since our C session, this 1-hour of intimacy has happened once! I brought it up on Friday, suggested that since we had some extra time that night (new baby was sleeping well) we should give it a go, and I was rejected. As you can imagine, I didn't take that well. That combined with the already agitated state I was in (read my posts from Friday) and you can see trouble was brewing.
(2) About 30 minutes later, my pot was boiling. I decided to confront her with some of the issues that I have been discussing here. I was all ready for the crying and was just going to let her do it. Well, she sat there listening to my litany of items making no comment. When I paused to ask her what her thoughts were, she made some comments basically being very defensive and making it clear that she was really misinterpreting what I was saying to her. I backed up a bit, told her I would try again and let her know that I wasn't trying to attack her, just let her know my point of view. We discussed a bit more and got nowhere. Finally, I said "I just want you to know that I love you, that is why I am bringing all this stuff up, I want our relationship to be better." No response from her. I said, "You do know that I love you don't you?" She said, "Do you love me or do you love the idealized woman that you want me to be?" I was devastated, she basically implied that she didn't believe I loved her. I got a bit angry at that point and started to ask her who this idealized woman she was talking about was, and what qualities she had. I was thinking that she was ascribing good sex, affection, etc. to an idealized woman, which is backwards in my opinion. I got about 4 or 5 words out of my mouth and she said "I don't want to talk about it anymore." End of conversation.
(3) Later that evening, I wanted to show her that despite our argument and her protests, I still loved her. So I went up to give her affection and was pushed away. I felt humiliated.
So you can see, I am back to square one. Since then, she has not pushed me away, but has not once initiated affection at all or even brought up the idea of the 1-hour session. And to top it off our counselor told me that she was all booked up and couldn't fit us in for 3 weeks. 3 more weeks of this!
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
