The aftereffect of the EA are still with me and very strong. I find myself daydreaming a lot about OW, even a month later.
I wanted to comment on this first since we do have a common bond here. Everyone on this board was right that I needed to make a clean break with OM before any real progress was going to be made. The carrot was always dangling with a sporadic email here and there. When we finally said we will not contacting each other any more things improved dramatically. Lil made a great point a while back about not demonizing the OM. She was so correct. I look back on my experience with OM and see so many positive things that came out of it. Yes, it was SO HARD to break away completely but you know what, I STILL feel just as good about myself today as I did with him. I think you may be fearly that you will return to "the old Globule" which I was too. But, those FEELINGS that the OP gives you are something that will always be there now. We can't take it back and wouldn't want to. The experience changed us PERMANENTLY. I have fond memories of OM but I do not yearn for him or even have any real desire to speak to or see him. I am willing to bet that you are still struggling with contact with OW, maybe even talked to her recently. Maybe you don't want to admit it here because you are ashamed and this board is for improving the M. Well, you know how I feel about this and if that is true you SHOULD talk to us (or me in particular) because holding that secret is painful. I wouldn't judge you if you just felt like you couldn't break it off completely yet. I sort of did it slowly and that worked. It is obvious OW is still a HUGE part of your thought process and that is dangerous. You admit to thinking maybe it would work out with her in the end. Your carrot is still dangling big time and you need to address this FIRST before TRULY approaching you W and the M with 100% determination to fix it. Listen, I am no role model for how to do this since I am going thru the same things but I may be a few weeks ahead of you on the whole OP mess. Vent away about it. I am all ears!
