"I'd go so far as to say as a HD person and someone who obviously needs EC, it may be the very reason for your depression. Not a big shocker. Doesn't it feel somewhat better to post on this board? You want to have support right now and I can totally understand that, especially as someone who is still struggling with the after effects of A. Chrissy made a point that your W maybe did not understand what you felt for OW? I doubt that, although you did not share exactly how much you told her. Did you make it clear to your W what this woman meant to you? I totally understand if you did NOT tell her all the details because it would only hurt her more. But she does need to know how this OW made you FEEL. She needs to know that you NEED that from her and that if she cannot provide these basic needs that you will seriously need to consider other options. I know that is harsh but without any consequences to back up your words, she will be much less likely to change."
It does feel better to post here and talk to people like your who truly understand me. I am very grateful to you and I hope that I can return the favor in some way in the future. The aftereffect of the EA are still with me and very strong. I find myself daydreaming a lot about OW, even a month later.
I'll have to admit that I did not make it absolutely clear how I felt about OW or what she meant to me. The C warned me not to give any details and basically to stop talking about it to the W saying it would just cause her unecessary pain. I've been trying to find ways to let the W know how OW made me feel and the things it made me aware of that I need without tying it to the EA. It is a difficult dance for sure, and I know my wife is probably smart enough to see me doing it.
The problem with the consequences that you mention is that I'm not at a place in my life right now where I can live with them either. Maybe that makes me weak and doomed to fail in my efforts to improve our R, I don't know. I'm trying to develop a backbone (or brass ones) but it will take awhile.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
