I saved my marriage, and life couldn't be any better at this point. however, I am being judged by friends. They are talking behind my back as well to my face. I've been told I have no backbone, that there is no way they would put up with their partner doing what my H did.
A girl I know just broke up with her boyfriend of 7 years, and was upset about it. I kindly suggested she read DR. Her comment was "oh no, my b/f wouldn't screw around on me, our situation is different. I wouldn't put up with what you did."..... Did I miss something???? Her b/f dumped her, just like my H did to me, and somehow that is different? I get told all the time, oh, so and so wanted to know how everything is going. So I'd tell them things are wonderful. One person said, well thats this week what about next week.
I'm seeing that no one wants another person to be happier that them. Everyone gets off gossiping behind each others backs.
Is there any advice on dealing with these types of people.
They make me feel like a joke, that maybe they know something I don't. Its amazing how many people tell me today that they knew we would break up. Yet these people attended our wedding, and supported us.
How can I get over the feeling of being a loser for wanting to save my marriage?
If only I could run away from the whole situation. But I know I can't. I'm getting to the point that I hate hanging out with anyone. I'm a party girl that is wanting to party solo these days just to hide from the laughter.
Please, I need advice on this hurdle.
I saved my marriage and so can you....Its all about positive thinking...
PPL, we missed you. Very simply put, you did not make a lifelong commitment to your "friends." You made one to your husband. The hell with them.
My brother and I recently got into it for the exact same reason. he thought I was being a p***y. I was willing to give up my brother for the sake of my cheating wife because that was the commitment I had made. (Fortunately, that did not happen.)
Hold your head up high. What you did in fighting for your marriage took more guts and determination than anyone else who would simply give up. Besides, you know as well as everyone here, you never know what your reaction will be until it happens to you.
The comments you are getting simply are to justify what they have been saying all along. These are the same people that told you to run when this all started, right?
What they don't realize is that running is easy. It takes true dignity and commitment to take the high road. You and I both know how difficult this is. Your friends simply don't have a clue. I guess it is just our little secret as to how strong we really are and it is theirs to discover.
There were an awful lot of prople that laughed at and mocked Jesus also.
Thanks Steve, that means the world to me. I am proud of winning the right life for us. I'm just upset that people can't see it and leave it alone. I knew it was hard getting our life back on track, but I didn't think it was going to be this hard dealing with the whispers. I thought that when Josh came home, and we got our life back on track that the hardest part was learning to trust him again. But thats not the case at all. The hardest part is dealing with everyone else, and the way they make me feel. They make me out to be a loser for taking him back. It hurts.
My H always said that we are the first to be married, have kids, and to seperate. But we've made it, and are going to make it. While the others are still sitting back struggling with the whole, I'm not sure if I want to be with you stage. He says they have yet to see the world with their eyes open. He's betting that 90% of our friends don't make it, just because of the neg. attitude towards one another.
We live in a sad world.
By the way, Calgary is getting snow today. Can you believe it. We had such a crapy summer, and skipped fall, right into winter.
I know my head needs to be held higher than it is, and slowly I will get through this too.
There needs to be another section on this BB.... Dealing with the friends and family....
I saved my marriage and so can you....Its all about positive thinking...
I have always said that if my H ever cheated there was no way I would take him back, now I justify it becasue there was no PA. The bottom line is you need to what is best for you and your family and until anybody is in your shoes they have no room to judge. If these people are your "friends" than they should support your decision and be happy for. If it comes up again just think about simply saying "Everybody handles things differently and nobody really knows what they would do until they are in the situation. I understand that you don't agree with what I/we have done (are doing) but as a friend I would appreciate your support, if you can't support us than at least give us the respect to keep your negative thoughts to yourself."
And if your friends are really that negative you may want to consider distancing yourself from them and moving on to a more positive group of people.
You are so right Unsure, its time for some different friends. I need to hang around healthy, upbeat, positive, outgoing, fun people. Friends like that are hard to come by.
I just hope one day sooner than later, I will be able to forget everything bad that has happened in our R. I'm not hung up on any of the details, which I'm proud of. In fact my H and I are doing better than I expected. I like to think of us as being role models for other R's. But its those damn whispers that eat me alive at night. I try so hard not to let them bother me, and for the most part I don't care what people think of me. For what ever reason, whispers burn the most.
How do others deal with this????
I saved my marriage and so can you....Its all about positive thinking...
Quote: I'm seeing that no one wants another person to be happier that them. Everyone gets off gossiping behind each others backs.
Ditto to what everyone else has said. You really need to question yourself, who have you been leaning on and what have you been telling them? It sounds like your friends aren't worthy of sharing the best nor the worst goings on of your life.
Suit
"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
You may want to search out some other Success Stories here on the BB. Try posting to JamesJohn, sage, Committed2Him and others. I'm sure someone there will have experience with the same frustrations you are facing. I unfortunately do not.
