UGH!! I am a freaking mess about this upcoming weekend. I sooooo dont want to go, but there is no way I am letting H go alone.
We just had great week with his family down in AZ. I think he also observed how well I treat him and how well we getg along.I also apologized for if I had ever treated him like that. His sisters dont talk very nicely to their husbands and it was a bit uncomfortable at times. They complained about all the things their H didnt do for them, and I told them all the things their brother did for me. I thought it was more important that they hear all the good things he does for me!
Also the mention of kids from family members came up quite a bit..I left the answers to H. He didnt say much, but at least it wasnt a definate, NO answer.
Anyways, last nite, I told him how happy I was and that I think we that we have a great marriage. Then I kissed him 3 times on the lips and said, "I love kissing you on the lips and I am going to start doing it more often." And he said "OH Yea". Then I layed back down and then went back and whispered in his ear, "one more thing, I love you" and I layed back down. I saw the smile on his face after I said it and it really felt good. I usually hold back, think about it too much and then decide not to. NOPE, not last night, I decided it was time to start doing what I feel like doing. Who knows, maybe if me taking the fist step and doing these things, he will in turn follow. Maybe he is as afraid as I am to start doing certaing things!
Me saying ILY, was first time since our talk about 3-4 months ago, and it was just said matter of factly then, not with any real emotion like it was last nite.
So, I am afraid about having to see OW this weekend. I do not know how H will be or how he will act around her. I am afraid of that "yucky stomach" feeling I am sure I will get. But I am going to TRY to put on my biggest "act as if" face and make sure I look absolutely beautiful so that H cannot take his eyes off of me!!
