I am having some anger issues I think. Maybe its because I have never shown any anger towards H, even after all that has happened. But lately I have noticed that even the littlest things just set me off!! And of course I dont direct them to H, because I am afraid? I don't know. Maybe its because a long time ago, when he first said he was unhappy, he said that all we did was fight, so now I am afraid to show anger.
I think a lot of it might have to be with the fact that OW will never totally be out of our lives unless H makes a decision that "her family" is not all that important as I am. Its like he does every thing to appease that family. They say "JUMP" and he says "how high and when"! UGH!!!
The reason I say this is because of this wedding that is coming up. Sucks! I still so dont want to go, but for some reason H thinks we need to. I cant believe he will not feel uncomfortable. OW's mom and sister know about the affair. Who knows, maybe he still doesnt think of it as an affair, I just dont know.
OW's sister is one getting married, up in WY, which is a 6-7 hr drive for us, only 1.5 days after we get back from AZ for 5 days! What the hell makes him think I want to spend MY time off, which I dont ever get much, traveling up to see HER and HER FAMILY??
Last weekend we were going to go shopping and then out to eat and later meet up with OW's sister and fiance to go play bingo. Yes, I said bingo. Well, H called them and the wanted us to come over for pizza, I said I did not want pizza, so then he invited them to come eat with us. I know, he probably thought it was no big deal, but I just wanted us to go out and have nice supper. Plus, it kills to listen to her bring up subjects about her sister and watch H listen and laugh. BLECH!! I dont want to hear about her!! I know that if so many other people would have found out about the affair, things would be so different. So why did God not let every one else find out? There must be a reason.....but I hate it!!
OH, then H offers to pick up OW's brother from airport for wedding and take him and his wife up day early. I set my foot down. I said no. What is he thinking!!! Why is he no thinking about ME!! It seems to be all about them! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!
So anyways, other than me having anger issues and not knowing how to deal with them, things are pretty good. Not looking forward to the holidays though just for that reason. I have to see HER! Im afraid of what I might do or say or how it will make me feel. Will we come back from this wedding stronger or weaker than we are now? I just want to cry my eyes out. Something I have not done in a long, long time!!
Anyways, sorry to vent, but I figured this is the best place to do it!
oh and here is my weekly forcast:
Your week ahead: There's no point in worrying about something that has already happened. There's nothing you can do to change it. And there's no point in worrying about something that may happen in the future. When the time comes, you will either be fine or you won't. Why, then, waste energy becoming concerned? Having dealt with yesterday and tomorrow, let us turn our attention to today. Is there any point in worrying about what's happening now? No. You just have two choices. Deal with it, or cope with it. Try the former first. This week brings a challenge that you don't need to worry about, but that you do need to be clear, firm and decisive about.
