I'm a big lurker on this board...thinking of starting a thread here...maybe...
My 2 cents on the issue: Goals should be small, attainable, and things YOU can control because they have to do with your behavior.
In the DR book "goals" are sometimes used to mean "benchmarks" in a marriage. In other words, when M.W.D says to make a list of goals regarding what you want to see in your marriage, she means a list of things that will tell you that your R is headed in the right direction (or at least in a better direction). She didn't mean in this particular case that these goals/benchmarks would be things that you, yourself could do alone. I would have prefered that she used the word "benchmarks" instead of "goals" in this case because it would have been more appropriate.
I get what she's saying, but I think the symantics confuse the issue a little for those of us who have always been big on goals.
