How do I handle affair - Ex wants to reconcile

[BeingMe]

Sorry you haven't received any replies. I thought I would throw in my 2c worth, if that's okay.

My H also had an emotional affair via email and phone. It never went anywhere, but I also read the emails and I actually told him. It was awful to read the things he said about me to her, and the wonderful words he said to her that he had said to me through the years (we have been together for 20 years, and the EA was with someone he knew in high school).

We are very committed to our marriage now, and he says that during that time, he felt disconnected from me, and confused, and resentful. He didn't mean any of it, and feels very guilty about it now. He feels that he had been in a fog, and that the OW made him feel good, even though he didn't know what she looked like (she never did send him any pics, apparently). I still have a lot of pain from this, and don't trust my H fully, but I am working on it.

I don't know if telling your H that you had read all the emails would be a good thing, or not. It's a difficult call. I told my H because he lied to my face, and I wanted him to know that I was fully aware of what was going on. But, that was during our supposed break-up, whereas you are in the process of reconciling.

I think you should at least clear up any misgivings before you remarry. It would be awful to get married and then have to deal with all the negative stuff then. At least, then you would know for sure whether you want to marry him, and whether he will stay the course.

This has been long - sorry. As for the gift? How about a nice pair of binoculars with a note about seeing far (into the future, or something to that effect).

Good luck, and it is wonderful that you have come this far.