My H and I actually divorced. The true reason our marriage ended was because H and I both became addicted to prescription pain pills. We have both made leaps and bounds since the bomb 1 year and 11 months ago.
Ex and I talk daily and make big plans for remarriage real soon. Ex is still dealing with recovery while I have been sober since the bomb (wow-I can't believe I have been in recovery that long).
Last night ex and I were talking about how far we have come as individuals and as a couple. We are closer, etc....
This is the problem. Ex had an online emotional affair. He even flew out to surprise visit this women and discovered she had a boyfriend. The whole ordeal never amounted to anything physical, but it was a full-blown emotional affair. I found the emails and he was telling her all the things he told me when we met, saying awful things about me and my family to her and emailing her intimate "love" notes. He sent her gifts and made numerous attempts to visit her before he filed for divorce. I had no clue he was planning to divorce me until I was served with divorce papers. He emailed her and thanked her the day he filed. The email said that "she gave him the strength to file for the divorce."
He doesn't realize that I read all the emails and know all the things he said and planned to do. Last night he told me that our future together is bright and that at least neither of us cheated on the other. I told him that I considered what he did as cheating. He said "I am sorry, I know you are right and I do have a lot of guilt." It was actually said in a more loving way than I put it but you get the jist.
How do we get past this and when should I address it. Should I wait until we are married again? I am real bad about just ignoring things and pretending they didn't happen. Should we discuss this in further detail now. He still gets skittish so I don't want to bombard him and ruin all of my hard work.
I know how he thinks. He thinks what I (meaning me) don't know won't hurt me and that telling me the details will only hurt my feelings. Is it better for both of us to lay things out on the table and be brutally honest? Should I tell him that I saw the emails? I am confused on how to proceed with this. What did you all do? I feel that we should get a marriage counselor, but I don't want to start pushing him if the time isn't right. Things are still touch and go. He is really just starting to open up to me fully. How do you DB and do this? Should I mention counseling? Also, I think a lot of the marriage counselors stink. How can I find a good one? I am confused. Maybe I should come to this board more often. I don't know the next steps after finally having ex soften to me and tell me daily, "don't worry--we will be together, I promise, everything is going to be great." I never thought I would hear those words. Advice please!!!
