Not Out of the Woods Yet

[Concerned_Listener]

Hello,
My wife and I are currently trying to resolve three problem areas--her unemployment/vocational identity crisis, creating a mutually satisfying dance partnership and creating a mutually satisfying sexual relationship, that up until this summer had been dormant. The first is how to work and play together as dance partners. The conflicts we have are similar to what we experience in the unresolved sexual arena. The problem to solve is how do we work and play together to make something that is important for the both of us work? I'm thinking that working thru the dance partnership conflicts, will develop skills needed to resolve the sexual issues. She has been home now for 16 months, following a seven month separation.

We haven't had sex in about three weeks. We completed only one kissing exercise, from our marriage counseling, in the past two weeks. This is a regression towards old patterns. The difference this time is that we've been dance partners now for about a year. This serves as an intimacy safety net. I'm not experiencing the anger from her from her feeling chronically distant in the relationship, like it was prior to the separation. We're in a better place to work on our sexual relationship, even though it's not yet mutually satisfying.

My W and I had a frank discussion about how her needs weren't being met with our dance partnership. She wants the challenge of learning difficult intermediate moves. I'm still learning basic technique, though am progressing steadily. I don't want to be overwhelmed; she doesn't want to be bored. She was considering a second dance partner. I'd like to avoid that as an option.

We decided to try and see if I could meet her needs as a dance partner. We decided to increase our practice session to one hour, and to add one intermediate move to our practice time. She was quite happy with our most recent practice session.

This is allowing me to wonder that if we can forge a dance partnership given our different learning styles, temperaments, and skill levels, than it seems likely that we can create a mutually satisfying sexual partnership, if we work thru it in similar fashion.

Concerned_Listener