Well, I woke up and H was still asleep. He seemed to be sleeping well. I didn't want to disturb him, so I just layed in bed and cried. I needed to talk to someone. So, I made the choice to text message H's mother. Maybe a bad choice, but I did it still. I didn't tell abou the OW. I just told her pretty much the other stuff going on and that H was leaving, etc. She said that she just couldn't accept that. She said she really couldn't believe that was what he wanted. She said maybe he just needed some space. I said maybe. I told her what he said about the house not being clean and stuff like that. His mom said that was petty and just an excuse that a man would give for something else. She also said that she didn't understand why he wasn't getting close to the baby. I figured out that maybe b/c he was afraid to get too attatched if he was just going to leave like he evidentally feared would happen eventually. I don't know. But I thought maybe she could make me feel better. Not so much. Then H woke up and we started getting his stuff together. We finally got it together. I asked him when he was going to tell his parents. He said he would have to tell them tonight b/c he had to have somewhere to go. I said ok. I then asked what he was going to tell them. He said that he would tell them we were getting divorced. I didn't say anything and then he asked what I wanted him to tell them. I told him I didn't think he was going to do anything like that yet. That he was going to give it some time. He said ok, then he would tell them we were separated. I just said ok. Then I asked if he would sit down b/c I needed to ask him something I had been dreading so much. I asked what we would do about the baby. I told him I couldn't bare for him to stay one night away from me yet, much less a weekend or something. Especially since he cried so much when H had him. H said he would just spend time with him at our house for now. So, I felt a little better. That was a big thing that I was worried about. How was I going to let my baby go for a weekend and six weeks out of the summer? That broke my heart too. Anyway, I told H that I would miss him. He said he would miss me too. Then he got up and walked to his truck . I don't think he wanted me to follow but I did. I gave him a hug and he just half hugged me. He got in and his window was rolled down. He was in his company truck so he said he would try to get his personal truck later that day. He said he would see me later. I told him I loved him as I stepped back and he didn't say anything, so I said and I knew he loved me too. Then he drove off. I tried to fight the tears, but I couldn't.
I went in and tried to gather myself and headed to go get the baby. Then I passed my mom on her way home. I thought I was going to have to tell them sooner or later, so why not now. They knew something was up, but not what. I walked in almost in tears. And she acted mad at me. I asked what was wrong and she said they were tired of being lied to. I just kept telling them that H and i needed some time to ourself b/c we hadn't gotten any in a long time. Well, they weren't buying it. I told her that I didn't want her to worry and that he was gone. She asked why. I still didn't tell her about the OW b/c I knew that if somehow things worked out they wouldn't be able to forgive that. I just told her about the problems we had and that H was having issues from being in Iraq etc. She told me that she was sorry and told me not to chase him. She said that she knew from experience. She said that if he came to his senses I didn't need to let him back in immediately. I just agreed b/c I didn't know how I would handle it. Before it happened to me I thought everyone deserved a second chance. Anyway, she told me to go get myself together and get the baby and come spend time with my family that loves and supports me. She gave me a hug and I felt better. So, I went home and got myself together a bit and got in the car to go get the baby. As I was pulling out of the driveway. My cell phone rings. It was H. He said hey what are you doing? As if nothing had ever happened. I just said I am going to get the baby. He said oh ok. I just kind of sat there for a sec. Waiting to see what was up. He said "well, I am coming home". I said ok. I didn't really know what to say. I wondered what had changed. He said he talked to L again. I still really didn't know what to do or say. I had my mother in the back of my mind telling me not to let him back in immediately. I just said, ok, well I just gotten used to the idea that you were gone. He said ok, then I will just... I cut him off and said no. I told him to come home after work and we would talk about things to see where to go from here and how to fix things. He said ok. Then he had to go back to work. We said we would see each other after he got home from work and we hung up. I was still confused. Anyway, I need to go get my baby from the sitter and head home. H is out of town today and may be a little late getting home, so I may be able to try to finish this up. There really is quite a bit more, but not too much. Thanks again. More to come.
