Ok, this is continued and the same day as I left off earlier.
8-24 We got to our friends house. I talked to him a little bit. I told him I was wondering if H was telling me the truth about how far things actually went. I will just call this friend L. L told me that he couldn't tell me that b/c he didn't know. He said that the phone calls didn't surprise him b/c of the way H had been behaving. Anyway, while I was there another friend of mine whom I had looking over the phone bill for another number called me back. She said that she thought Laura was the one. That he talked to her or text messaged her 12 times one day. And that was after he got home. So, I didn't know what to do or believe. At this point I didn't know how to pull up the most recent phone calls on the cell bill. H called me while I was over there. I told him where I was. He thought that was odd and I could tell he thought that. I didn't tell him why I was there. I just said they got a new puppy (which they had) and I was over there seeing it.
Holy Cow, I just realized I left out a part of the story before I ever even called H's friend. I stopped to get gas before that and H called me. This was after I had already tried to call the numbers from the phone bill and before Laura called me back. H didn't act funny at all. I mentioned that I had seen the cell phone bill online and that it was 700 dollars! He didn't seem surprised. Anyway, I was in the middle of getting gas and he was working so he let me go. Ok, now back to sequence.
H told me that he was starting the new job they had promised him this entire time the very next day. He was sooooo excited. I was excited for him. He seemed like his old self. That should have taken some of the stress off of him. We talked more in detail about the job and all and then I mentioned that I had looked at the cell phone bill a little more trying to figure out why it was so much. Of course, I am hinting and giving him every chance to just come clean and tell me what he knew I already knew and what he knew I was getting at. But he didn't he just said really, well maybe I can call and make some kind of arrangement with them. I said you think you can? He said he would try. Any time I mentioned the cell bill he wouldn't say anything or just say yeah, uh huh, or ok. He knew exactly what I knew, but he just didn't acknowledge it. Well after we hung up I decided to try to get on L's computer and see if there was any way to find most recent calls. I FOUND IT! Laura is a LYING BIOTCH! She called him as soon as she saw my number the first time when she didn't answer. They talked for like 9 mins before he called me at the gas station. I guess he was calling to see if I was going to say anything and then Laura called me when I got home. So, it took them 9 minutes to get the story that Laura gave me together. I was fuming. He had also talked to her that morning. I still didn't know what to do though. I knew that if I brought it up to H then he would just give up and say he was leaving. L told me that I should have his stuff packed when he got home and make him leave. Give him a night away to think about things and he would be back begging me to let him stay. I doubted that very seriuosly. Him leaving seemed to be my biggest fear even though I should have wanted to literally kick his butt out. Anyway, H called me a few times more before I left L's house. I didn't get it and I still don't. Why not just tell me that it was Laura all along. Wouldn't that have been the easiest thing to do? Or I guess that if I thought that Laura was just a friend then he could still talk to her? But that didn't make that much sense either b/c I didn't know he was talking to her anyway. It is fishy to me.
Well, when I was on my way home from L's house. H calls me and asks why L is coming out to H's jobsite. I told him I didn't know he was (I really didn't) but I guessed it was to talk to him. He asked me why. I told him b/c I talked to him and H wanted to know what I told him. I told him that I told him everything b/c I needed to talk to someone that H might have confided in and could help me to understand. H started getting mad saying he would never call my best friend and do that. I mean he was fixing to let me have it, so I said I looked at the phone bill. I saw all the numbers and I knew he had talked to Laura and it took them 9 minutes to come up with that story. And I told him that I knew he knew I had talked to her and asked why she lied to me and said it had been 4 days since she had talked to him. He said " I don't know". He lied again for some strange reason and said he hadn't talked to her since that morning. Whatever anyway. He just said fine, f74k it then. After work he would just come get his stuff and leave. He said he was done finished with it and we would just chalk it up to a good 5 years while it lasted. I said NO, why are you just giving up. If he would just be honest with me about everything instead of me finding bits and pieces every day. He said no he was through with it. He was tired of fighting. I begged and begged him. I told him we could get past it and that we could be like we used to. That things were already looking up b/c of his job and everything. He said yeah, he thought so too, but he guessed he was wrong. I just kept trying to talk him out of it. He said no he was finished with it. It was over and he was done fighting. The more I argued the more mad he got. He finally ended up hanging up on me. I called L and told him that he was leaving and begged L to take me with him to H's jobsite. L wouldn't he told me that if I went with him H wouldn't talk to either of us. There was nothing I could do, so L told me that if their talk went well then he would tell me how to get to the location. I had no choice but to agree. I went home and called H back. I am surprised he answered. Well, I begged some more and he was not budging at all. I told him that I still had faith in him and he said did you ever think that I didn't have anymore faith in myself? I didn't know what to say. I asked him why we couldn't work at this. He said b/c he skrewed up. I was fighting a losing battle. Then he started to almost mock my effort to get him to stay and I got mad (which I never do) and I told him he was going to f876879g listen to me. Oh yes, that went over well. He lost it and hung up on me again. I called L back to see if he was almost there. L said he just pulled up and was going to talk to him. I said ok, but he is losing it.
Oh yeah I also took the baby back to L's wife to stay while we hashed this all out. So, gladly he wasn't around any of this hostility.
But I decided that if H was leaving he wasn't going to leave me looking like crap. I took a shower and fixed myself up. I had already decided I was calling in to work the next day, so I would see him before he left. He tried to tell me before he hung up on me that he wouldn't get off work until I was probably already gone to school the next day and that is when he would get his stuff and leave while I was gone. I wasn't about to let that happen. He was going to have to look me in the eyes and leave. After I got ready I couln't just sit still and I hadn't heard from L or H in a while, so I got in my car and decided to head in the direction of the town H's job was in. I couldn't stand it any longer, so I called L. He said that H was just tired of being unhappy. Tired of not feeling anything. L said he asked if H was in love with this other woman. He said that H said "no, it's not like that". That he loved me. L told him that he needed to go home and sleep on it and not make any rash decisions that night. L offered to stay and do H's job for him so he could go home. L said that H had left about 30 mins ago and to his knowledge he was going home. I asked if he thought he was still leaving. L said he didn't think so at least not tonight. So, I turned around and headed home again. I got home but H was not there. I started cleaning the kitchen and I heard H come through the door. He didn't so much as glance in my direction. I expected him to start getting his stuff, but he just went straigt to bed. He faced the opposite direction I guess so he wouldn't have to talk to me. And of course I couldn't leave well enough alone, so I started trying to talk to him. Still facing the opposite direction H told me that the only reason he was there was b/c he was too tired to drive back to his hometown where his parents live and that he would still be leaving in the morning. I started to panic. Even after all this I still loved him so much and didn't want him to leave. Am I a glutton for punishment. I should be kicking him out he should be begging me to let him stay? Anyway, I tried to talk him out of leaving a little more and then got frustrated and told him that he couldn't look at me b/c he was afraid that he would see what he was doing. He jumped up and said "you wanna see how scared I am?' He started packing his stuff. Something triggered a switch in me. I lost it. I begged him not to go, I physically tried to hold him there, blocked the door, made a real idiot of myself. He just kept saying no, he was finished. He said he was tired of fighting. He told me that he did love me but I would be fine. I told him I knew he didn't want to do this. He said no, but sometimes you have to do things you don't want to in life. I followed him well more like ran after him to his truck. I got in the way of the door of his truck. He just threw his stuff in the back and stood there. I kept talking repeating what I had already said. I told him I could get past this and I wouldn't even snoop anymore. He said he didn't care about that. He said again he was tired of fighting. He said that he fought for over a year while he was in Iraq and thought when he came home he wouldn't have to fight anymore. He said that is all he has had to do. He said that he fights for everything he gets and work and fights with me and his family and he was sick of it. He said that if he was just by himself then everyone would be happier. I told him that was not true. That he didn't have to fight anymore. He just needed to let me in again.
Oh yeah, something else I forgot to mention. The night I found the panties and H was explaining them to me. He said that he went out with this woman also b/c he thought that he and I were done. Even though no one bothered to inform me that we were over. I knew things were a little rough but never dreamed it was so bad. He said that we had been fighting? We never fight. I guess he just meant the distance b/w us. Ok, back to the story.
Just when I thought I was getting somewhere with H he would say no, he was through. I finally let him get in his truck. He sat down and said if I thought this wasn't tearing him apart it was. I just said "then stay." He said no, he was finished. He told me that I should get a lawyer and he would pay for it. That freaked me out. I said no, please don't do anything like that right away. Give it some time. He said fine and that was all. I asked him where he was going. He said he didn't know. I told him he didn't have to go that I would let him go to sleep. He said that was what he was trying to do. I told him ok, he could come in and I would leave him alone. So, he got out and came back in. He went to bed on the couch and I went to the bed. Before I went to bed he asked if I was going to school/work the next day. I told him no, so I could help him get stuff together. He said ok. And that was the end of that lovely evening.
I am going to go ahead and post this much. Will start another installment in a few minutes. Thanks again.
