Ok, I am going to have to type my entire story over again. I searched and searched for the one I already typed, but couldn’t find it anywhere. Warning! This will be forever long. That is no exaggeration. Please bare with me. I feel like I should include as many details as I can. I am sure I will leave some out and then think of them later, so I might jump around some. I will try to make this as easy to read as possible.
I should start by saying that my husband and I used to think we were untouchable. Nothing could break us. We would always be together. We didn’t think we would be able to go on without the other. We have had some pretty difficult times. Things seemed to be getting better for us, but then DH got called to active duty for the Army and went to Iraq. He was over there for a year, not to mention the 5 months of training out of state before he left the country. Altogether, he was out of our home for nearly 2 years. My husband is in the National Guard and neither of us expected him to have to go. We thought our world was falling apart. He left the country in March of 2004. He came home for his R&R that August and everything was wonderful. We actually got pregnant while he was home. He was only here for 2 weeks. Then he finally returned home this past March. We had the baby in May. While he was over there we would talk about how if he could just make it home our life would be perfect. Everything would be great. Boy were we sadly mistaken. While my husband was home for those two weeks he found out that the company he worked for had given his job to another guy b/c they needed someone right then. Now, my husband knows his rights as far as the Military is concerned. They told him that they had a different job for him that would be a promotion and he could be at home more, etc. In all honesty this is the job that my husband wanted all along, so it was going to work out good for all involved. So, we just knew things would be awesome if he would just get home to me. Well, just before my husband came home from Iraq he checked with his job to be sure everything was still on go for his new position. It supposedly was still all set. Well, when DH got back he had bad dreams about being over there, so his Dr. gave him some sleeping pills so he could sleep. Well, he didn’t like the way they made him feel so he stopped taking them. That really doesn’t have much to do with my story, except that it shows that being over there has affected him. Well, when we got back home from picking DH up, he thought he should start back to work very soon. He was afraid that if he didn’t he would sit around and dwell on things he didn’t need to be thinking about meaning Iraq. Well, when he went back to work they told him he had to go back to his old job (the one he had even before the one they gave away.) They told him he needed to do that for a year to get reaquainted with his job. Whatever. That was unacceptable. He knew he would have to do that for a few months, but not a year. So, he talked to them and they agreed for him to just go back to the old position for two or three months. Well, three months went by and they kept putting him off and putting him off. Finally the told him that before he could start this new job he had to go to Dallas to school for 7 weeks to learn everything he needed to know for his job. It seems like he just got home and we had a 4 week old baby at home. Did I mention we had my 6 year old step-daughter for her six week summer visit. Not that I mind at all. We have always had a relationship like she was my own. She even calls me mom. I have been around every since she was 2. I drove an hour to pick her up every other weekend when it was our weekend (even when he was in Iraq). I drove her an hour to my husbands parents on those weekends and also to see his grandma. I dealt with his ex among other things that only one that loved my husband so much would do. My husband said he was very scared to tell me that he had to leave for that long, but said it would be ok b/c he could come home on the weekends. That made it seem much better. Anyway, I was a single mom for 7 weeks. My husband left the weekend before the 4th of July. He was supposed to come home that next weekend and spend the 4th. He actually got to stay until the 5th, but told me since they got those days off that they would have to work the next two weekends. Well, ok that made sense. So he stayed in Dallas those 2 weekends and was supposed to come home the 3rd one. Well, he called the week before to tell me that the company was only going to pay for him to come home one more time as well as the last drive home when he was finished with his school. We had planned a date way back when he was still in Iraq to go see the Dukes of Hazard movie when it came out. Well, my husband said since he was coming home for that then he would just wait until the following weekend to come home. I was not happy that it was going to have been a month since our baby had seen his daddy, but I dealt with it. Then I figured out that the movie didn’t come out until the weekend AFTER hubby was going to come home. So, I brought it up again. He got mad at me. I lost it a little bit. I was stressed. I needed him at home and I didn’t care if we had to pay our of our pocket to get him there. He was mad that I brought it up again. He said we had already talked about it and now he would just be coming home 3 weekends in a row. It made no sense to me though. I thought he could still come home on the original weekend and then not the next and then he would just have 2 weekends in a row. The one for the movie and then the last trip home for good. Anyway, he got mad and said that he must be an aweful husband and maybe I should find someone that could give me what I want! Where on Earth was this coming from. I told him I didn’t mean that at all, etc. Anyway, I tried to calm him down a little. But I did say that lately I worried every time we had a fight. He said that we made it through a year of him being in Iraq he was pretty sure we would get through this too. So, then I felt a little better. He didn’t come home that weekend., but he did come home the following. We had a pretty good weekend that weekend. Now, this next part of my story I should begin by saying I have never been a great housekeeper and since the baby I am even worse. Everyone says I spoiled the baby. I held him too much, etc. That is why I didn’t get anything done. I am sorry but when you and the baby are all the other has you tend to stick together. Ya know? Anyway, that next weekend was our date weekend and hubby wasn’t supposed to come home until that Saturday morning. Well, every time hubby was supposed to come home I made sure you have the house in at least decent shape before he got home. I might wait until the last minute, but it gets done at least decent. Well, it was about 8:30 Thursday night and hubby walks in. I felt like a little girl that had been caught. I was sitting rocking the baby and the house was a PIT! I immediately felt I needed to explain. Hubby just gave me a kiss and started cleaning the house. I told him that if he would take the baby I would do it. He just kept cleaning. I finally got the baby where I could put him down and started helping. Hubby finally sat down. I tried to see if he was still mad. He really didn’t say much. He did say that he understood that babies need attention but I give him my undivided attention. He told me that before he left he was very supportive of me not feeling like it or being too tired to do much of anything and he told me it was ok, but it was getting time for it not to be ok anymore. I agreed. Things seemed better after that. Then that night in bed we were just laying there he just looked at me and rubbed my face. I felt such love. I told him that I was sorry for the house again. He said he was too. He said that when he walked in the house he wanted to turn around and go back to Dallas. I told him I was glad he didn’t and thanked him for not doing so. He said he just wanted to come home to a halfway decent looking house. I just said I was sorry again. Then the rest of the weekend seemed to go really well. We had a good time at the movie and everything or so I thought. More on that later. Then that Sunday my hubby went back to Dallas for his last week of school. He called me during that last week and told me they still wanted him to do the job he had been doing before. That they still thought he needed to have a year experience. He was NOT happy. All this school and time for nothing. I talked to my husband every day while he was gone, but I did notice even before all that house stuff that he rarely ever answered his phone when I called or replied to my text messages. But I thought nothing of it. Then he came home the next weekend for good. I thought things would go back to normal, but they didn’t really seem too. He was distant. Not just from me, but from the baby. He didn’t talk to him or play with him much at all. I had to ask him to help me with him and he would help, but I felt like I was putting him out by asking. I would have thought he would have been the one to tell me what to do since he had already had a baby before. Well, several days went by. I noticed my husband always thought of somewhere to go. He would run to the store or run to work, etc. Then one night he actually was supposed to get off work early enough to spend some time with us. He called me on his way home from a job he had been on. He was with one of his bosses that was a close friend of his. He told me that his boss wanted to stop and get some beer before heading home. So, I didn’t think anything of it. He called later on and said something about having to work later the next day. He said, it’s just more money. I told him I didn’t care about the money I just wanted him home. He said sure you don’t. He told me he would rather make money. When hubby got home he was in a VERY good mood. A better mood than what he had been in a long time. He told me that he had a beer before he got there. Normally I could have cared less about that, but I felt like he had to drink to be happy to come home. We were across the street eating dinner with my parents. I guess I was acting pissy with him. He asked what was wrong. Normally I just get over things quickly, but I was having a hard time ignoring this. So, he got mad at me. I just tried to play it off and forget about it. Well, he decided to head back to our house. I followed. He was sitting in his recliner and I told him I had just fed the baby and asked if he wanted him b/c he was happy. He said yeah I will take him. I had to run back across the street to get something at my parents house. When I came back my husband was sitting in the recliner his legs crossed with the baby laying on his leg. Hubby’s arms were folded and the baby was screaming. I asked how long he had been doing that. He said ever since I left. I grabbed the baby and hubby hopped up and aid I will be back. He was going to go on a motorcycle ride somewhere. On the bike he just had to buy the Saturday after we brought the baby home. I said no, don’t go. I told him I wanted to talk. He just stood by the door. I asked what was wrong why he never wanted to be at home anymore. He told me that he didn’t have fun with me anymore and that I never do anything with myself. The house was never clean, etc. He said his son screamed everytime he touched him b/c he works so much and is never home. He said that things that happened in Iraq were still on his mind and bothering him. His job was stressing him out and he wanted to quit. He said he was tired of fighting. I got him to go in the bedroom to talk. I asked him if he still loved me. He said yes he did. He said that he wants things to go back like they were before he went to Iraq. He told me he remembered when I was his best friend and when things happened I was the first person he thought of to share it with. He said that it wasn’t the fact that the house was never clean it was that and me not caring enough to do anything with myself, etc. Made it obvoius that I wasn’t happy either. He said he has always told me that he didn’t marry me b/c i was a good housekeeper he married me b/c of who I was. He said that it wasn’t the baby weight I gained either he said he could care less about that. Anyway, I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I finally asked him if he thought he could be happy without me. He said eventually he could. He said it would tear him apart, but he thought we both could. He said it may not be two weeks from now or 6 months but we eventually would move on. I asked if that was what he wanted. He said no, he said he wanted to work it out but he didn’t know where to start. I really didn’t either. So, we talked a little more and even though I didn’t feel like we accomplished much I let him go for a ride. Then we tried to pretend nothing happened except my husband was even more distant than before. We had my step-daughter that weekend and there were a few times I thought things would be ok. Then my hubby said he would take SD back to her mom’s. He called me when he was leaving there and said he was going to go by his parents to say hi. Said that it would give him a good excuse to leave quickly with me and the baby not being there. So, I said ok. He called me on his way home. WE were supposed to eat at my mom and dad’s for supper. I asked him what all he and his dad talked about. He told me that he told his dad about us fighting all the time. He said his Dad told him it was his fault that he wasn’t going to say anything but it seemed like Iraq changed him. That unless hubby was in a conflict or fight with someone he didn’t seem happy. That was part of what my husband told me was that he didn’t know if it was him being stressed and he was taking it out on me or what. But I think his dad just confused him even more. Anyway, I decided that we were going to get out just the two of us. I was going to have him take me on a ride on the motorcycle since I had never been on it before. I had arranged for my parents to watch the baby so we could spend some time together. They knew something was up but didn’t ask any questions. When hubby got home he told me “I might as well go ahead and tell you, I have to go to work for a little while later, but it won’t take long.” So, I thought ok. I figured it would be later. We went to eat across the street and I needed to run back home real quick for something for the baby and before I could get back hubby was right behind me saying he was going to work now. I thought we were going to get to do something before he had to go, so I just used that time to get all fixed up and do something with myself while he was gone. I was all fixed up and got an idea. Everytime hubby has to go out of town for something I always send some panties or something with him. So, I decided to look for the last pair I had sent to Dallas with him. So, I started looking in his bag. I found panties alright! Not mine! Some nasty thongs that I know were not mine! I couldn’t believe this. I felt sick at my stomach. But I couldn’t cry. I was so mad. I didn’t know what to do. I had half a mind to go to his work and walk in in frnt of everyone with them and confront him, but was afraid he was on his way home and I would miss him. So, I just couldn’t wait anymore. I called him. I asked if he was on his way home. He asked what was wrong and I couldn’t wait til he got home. I just asked “who’s panties are these?” He just said, I will talk to you abou tit when I get home. OMG ! I was pretty sure I knew what happened, there weren’t many other options. If it wasn’t true why didn’t he just say it wasn’t what I thought. That would have helped a little. Well, he walked in and said "“ went out with a woman 2 times while he was there"” HE said that was it. He said nothing happend. He said he didn’t even kiss the woman. He told me that the last time he went out with her was the night before he came home and his truck was already packed up. she told him she left him something to remember her by. He said that she wanted more, she wanted him to go homewith her but he said no that he had a wife and baby at home. He told me that I was more than just a piece of a$$ to him. He told me that he went for a year without me in Iraq and didn’t do anything there. He said he knew that I could cheat on him easily and he said he knew he could me also b/c it was there, but he didn’t do it. He said it really came down to him needing to talk to someone. HE said I was the problem so he couldn’t talk to me and that he didn’t need a buddy telling him what he wanted to hear. He said that is why it was a woman. She was married also and having problems. He said that it started by them at a bar kind of drowning their sorrows. This allsuposedly happened the last week he was there. I asked if he had planned on telling me. He flat said no. He asked me if I remembered when we were laying in bed before he left for Iraq and he told me that if I had a weak moment while he was gone that he didnt want to know about it, but not to let it happen again. He said he had a weak moment. I asked him why he didn’t just tell me when I called him so frantically when I found the panties. HE said that I deserved to see it in his eyes that he was telling the truth. He said he knew we had always prided our relationship n the fact that we could trust the other one completely. He said that he hoped we could get past it. He said he didn’t want me to think that he was trying to make things work just b/c he got caught b/c he was trying before he got caught. I just really couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. Then b/c I wasn’t saying anything he said “I will just leave” I told him I didn’t want him to leave. I told him that the fact that we have always been so honest with each other and that he had up until this is why I believed him. I told him that I wanted to go for a ride on his motorcycle. So we went for a ride. WE went to the park. He toldme he wished that it hadn’t had to come to this before I would ride his motorcycle. HE also said he was scared that this would all happen again in 2 weeks. He told me that he felt lost. That the only 2 things he could count on before he left was his job and coming home to me and right now he didn’t feel like he had either one. I truly felt like I was looking at a lost little boy. I didn’t know what to say to him . I just rubbed his back and held on to him. Then we left. I was not sure if we got anywhere or not. The next day we went to work. I went to school I teach kindergarten and he went to his work. I couldn’t get it out of my mind that he turned to another woman. It bothered me more than I thought it would. I go t mad and felt more hurt than the night before. I guess I was just so relieved to find out that it wasn’t what I thought it was. I gues it settled in more the next day. Anyway, I am going to go ahead and post what I hve so far. This story is by far over. I have so much more to tell. I told you it would be forever long. I wasn’t kidding. I just dont’ have time to finish. It may take me all weekend to get it all typed b/c my husband will be home and I don’t want him to know I am still dwelling on this. At lest not righ tnow. He would probably feel like we had regressed if he knew I was getting advice still. So, here is the first installment of my novel. :-) You may want to save your advice, etc for when I finish b/c you may change your view the more I tell. But I would love any feedback so far if you want to share it. Also should I start a new thread for my next part or just continue from this one? THanks so much for hanging in there with me. I appreciate it.
