I am sorry that I haven't responded any earlier but I have been trying to keep myself busy. I deeply appreciate ALL of your insight and I take no offense to anything that you say....so please never think that. I am here to get advise from all of you. My weekend was pretty good...watched some football...USC, Chargers, and tonight with Greenbay! We went to the fair yesterday it was so much fun...Hannah was exhausted by the end of the night. I got her a Halloween Costume there...so cute...she is going to be a lady bug...so darn cute! I just love her so much. H did go with us and we did get along ok but I had everythin that all of you said in the back of my head. Also, the ride to the fair was hard on me although I did not show it. On the freeways that we have to take I go past the motel that he was at with her when I first found out, the we pass a resturant that brings bad memories and finally we pass the most recent hotel that he said he was sleeping in his car but just by a miracle OW had a room at the hotel across the street(he has never admitted to it...only she has) so as you might be able to see....the ride there and back is a little frusterating.
I agree with all of you about my R. Its just so hard to do things about it because I am afraid(not of H)but the entire alone thing(of course I will always have my Hannah). I think that it would be easier if we split because we went our own ways but I really hate knowing that I lost because of another woman...especially a woman that has rubbed everything into my face and H never believes it. She has helped cause all of our arguments because of this Affair. We never..ever..use to argue. Then I think that my brain is demented in a way that I focus ALL of my memories on the good things....when things are good I feel so complete and wonderful and then when we do have these bad times and when it is over I tend not to think about the bad and think about how complete and happy I feel when things so good...if you can understand that. I have to admit that lately I am having a lot of tense anger in my mind. Something reminds of the the A and then I get frusterated because I start remembering other bad situations regarding the A. It starts to make me want to scream and feel a sense of relief but then I start thinking of the positives and calm my anger and hate...and move on with my day. Kind of crazy huh! Well, honestly all of you really help bring me to thinking and I love to hear all of your responses and thoughts. This helps me get stronger although a lot of you probably don't see any of my strenghth. I wish all of you well and I hope that you all have a delightful day! BQT
