It saddens me to read about the unnecessary abuse you are enduring by your H... As I have been following your situation for some time now, it seems that you have been dealing with both physical, verbal, and emotional abuse.
I want you to know that there are many people here on this BB who are very worried about you, as well as the safety of your precious little girl.
My sister has worked with women who have been abused and I have learned a great deal from her... I wanted to share with you some very important things about abuse...
When your H chooses to "emotionally abuse" you (calling you a "psycho" or a "c*nt"), he is doing so in order to control your feelings or thoughts... to gain power of you.
There are actually many victims of abuse who say they feel that the emotional and verbal is even worse than the physical abuse. I see so many examples of emotional abuse that your H has put you through...
*Put downs/Calling names/Telling you that you are stupid or ugly
*Frequently cursing or yelling at you
*Threatening or intimidating you
*Frequently criticizing you (the way you look, etc.)
*Lying or cheating
*Playing mind games or making you think you're crazy
*Putting responsibility for his behavior onto you
BLONDEQT... I think deep down you know that you are being mistreated and even abused by your H, and perhaps you are choosing to stay in the marriage for a number of reasons...
After all, it is not easy to end a relationship, even a hurtful one.
I am sure that you do love your H, and there might be times when he is still very loving to you.
I am sure you have many memories of happy times, and you hope those times will return.
It am sure it is very painful to admit that someone you love would hurt you, so perhaps you are trying to convince yourself it is not really that bad.
I am sure there have been times when your H has blamed you for his abusive behavior- saying that you made him angry, or that you did something to deserve it... Perhaps a part of you believes this?
You may even feel panic at the thought of being without your H or being alone, or that you feel like you will never be able to be happy again.
Basically, whatever your reasons are for staying in this abusive relationship, those reasons are probably very real and very important to you. However, it is also important to look at both sides of the situation. Most likely, most of your reasons are based on fear.
BQT... No one can argue with the way you feel. Your love is real and you can not ignore the fact that you love him.
But, loving someone does not always mean they are healthy for you. I hope you know that you are NOT the cause of the abuse, so nothing you do or change about your behavior will end the abuse. Often, the only way to stop the abuse is to end the relationship.
I am sure that the idea of being happy without your H may seem impossible now, but please remember that YOU ARE A PERSON WHO DESERVES TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT!!!
There are many men out there who do not abuse....
You are a strong woman who has endured a great deal and while the idea of being alone is scary, you CAN live without an abusive relationship.
I am sure that you are well aware of the fact that witnessing abuse is EXTREMELY psychologically damaging to children. Although you may believe it is best for your daughter to have two parents who are together, a child is much better off living with one non-violent parent, than with two parents in an abusive relationship. I am sure that you can work out a way for your daughter to see her father in a safe setting. It is a fact that 50% of men who frequently abuse their wives also frequently abuse their children. A child who lives in a family where there is physical/emotional abuse is much more likely to be abused themselves.
BQT... I know that you love your daughter with all of your heart, but what message are you showing this little girl by staying with a man who mistreats you?
Your friends and family are probably more willing than you think to help you if you want to end this abusive relationship--- you may even have to develop new supportive relationships. A good place to start is with a support group where you will meet other women who have been in abusive relationships.
I truly hope that this post has not offended you, as that was not my intention at all. I am simply worried about you and your little girl.
Please take the time to really listen here, BQT...
You deserve so much better.... I think you know that...
Thinking of you, -KIM
