I too am a work in progress with detaching and just a beginner but I have to say the less contact with H the better for my PMA as it doesn't seem that I think about him as much. I also try to keep busy.
I do not ring or contact H at all and ya know what that means he rings me every day now or every other day. I let him say whatever and then pretty much end the conversation.
I am being a good friend to him even though it is very hard for me and I have to admit especially lately I do keep thinking we may make it work if he ever sees the light. But I am trying so hard to get on with my life with or without him for me and the kids.
But can I say my H the other day said to me, you seem to be your old self lately. I asked what he meant and he said you just seem more confident, more strong and as though you are getting on with things. I said I agreed that was what I was doing but I was doing it for me. He said that is what I said to you ages ago - be yourself and look after you as that is the person I fell in love with. I then changed the subject as I didn't know what to make of that but at least it made me realise what he meant when he said be yourself.
I think if you were a confidant strong person before when they met you, you have to go back to being that person again and being comfortable with it. We also know that we have a better understanding of R's now so that has got to only compliment our strong side as we know have true compassion for our spouse's.
As I said I am still a work in progress but that is my thoughts at least this week, so hope it helps a little.... Keep strong BQT....KDU
