In this case there is not much aggression, but he is throwing up defenses while trying to avoid conflict. He is afraid of direct confrontation so goes about “defying” authority in this passive manner. And passive aggressive people are fully capable of anger outbursts if they are pushed far enough. They just prefer not to go there. He may be trying to control himself too, that would make sense, but I don’t think he is trying to “stick” it to HP. I see nothing so vindictive. I had not thought about his control from a religious standpoint. I can see that now with his background. But I do believe he is trying to stand his ground in his own way. I do not think it i so much to actually control her as an attempt to control confrontation. I do think he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings too.
Seriously, he's right between the two. He's lean but muscular. Has a nice proportion to his body, although he's far too skinny at the present. He hasn't worked out since our oldest daughter was born. When he was in bootcamp, his DI called him SuperStud. That has stuck with him, lol.
Interesting comment about the amount of sleep that different body types need. I am without a doubt an ectomorph but do well on eight hours. H is a mesomorph and swears he cannot function without ten.
Where did you read or hear this information? Just curious.
So it's time for me to make a confession about the book I was making such a stink about. (in my mind)
I actually checked the book out of the library, so itchy were my hands to grip that rope. I figured I'd drop a hint to H and if he was interested, I'd fess up that I had it in our home. He was not interested, so I dropped it. (I really did, too!, lol) Then one day BabyPot made a mess and strung our 20 some-odd library books from one end of the room to the other and MrH came in to AOS them all back to their proper place. He never looks at the stack of books there...that's my domain...so I was not worried he'd see it, nor was it a 'ploy'. Anyway, he saw the book and began reading it that night. That was 2 days ago and he's so interested in it that he took it to work with him today!
I couldn't be more surprised. And this is not the garden variety suckuppage that you might see from husbands, from time to time. He is genuinely interested. He is easy to read and I'd know it in about a minute if he was doing it "for me".
Things are going well, and NOT because of this silly book.
Last night I started to tell him ILY and he stopped me and said, I already know you do. I said, You DO?? How? He said, I can feel it. I've known for a couple days.
There is still a "dead" part inside me, but I'd say I'm at about 80%. That is a vast improvement!
This has been one of the weirdest things to happen to me. So real and yet at the same time, so unbelievable. And then, laying in bed Saturday night, and feeling the resentment just bubble right out of me. An almost palpable thing. Bizarre!
Last night we kissed for the first time since July.
HP, any of this sound familiar? has to lift weights to gain weight, can eat massive amounts of food, and never gain a pound otherwise, loses weight whenever stressed even if eating 'well', can go days without sleep when 'needed', tendancy toward extreme swings, .... cant wait for you to tell me Nope wrong again BF....LOL..... how tall is he?
Karen, your husbands need for sleep isnt suprising with his workouts, there are always variations of course to what I said. I am also guessing ( from his FOO ) your H is highly self critical, and driven, and stressed from internal dialogue. The self imposed stress raises his need for sleep.
I think this is the hardest part of your dilemma cause any expectation, perceived criticism on your part is going to be highly unwelcome, and resented. It resonates to loud with the critical internal voice.
You are a female even as a ectomorph, your lower overall muscle mass and higher body fat you require less sleep, besides the hormonal differences. I have known two meso girls that were perfectly ok with 5 or 6 hours of sleep. Im telling you that was not compatible.
The telling factor for sleep need is if you need an alarm to wake up and how likely you are to nod off other then in bed.
anywho..... Oh picked this up somewhere along the way in my kine. classes. dont remember too long ago when I first got into triathlons.
Quote: has to lift weights to gain weight, can eat massive amounts of food, and never gain a pound otherwise, loses weight whenever stressed even if eating 'well', can go days without sleep when 'needed', tendancy toward extreme swings, .... cant wait for you to tell me Nope wrong again BF....LOL..... how tall is he?
I can't believe how often you are wrong.
LOL
j/k
Ok, Yes he has to work out to gain weight. Yes, he has to eat a lot to gain weight. No, he does not lose weight when stressed. Actually his weight seems to stay constant unless he lifts weights. No, he cannot go days without sleep when needed. Sleep is critical to his well being. Tendency towards extreme what? Did you mean mood swings? If so, No he is not a moody person at all. He is six feet tall.
I would have picked ectomorph except for the fact that he's so muscular. People are downright shocked when they find out how much he weighs (155) because he looks so much bigger. His legs are huge and the thighs in his jeans always wear out quickly because of that. He has a nice-but-small chest and arms, muscular back that goes down into a lovely little triangle at his trim waist. But he does not have sloping shoulders and a long slender fingers. His face has a square, blocky look to it, though it is rail thin..almost gaunt looking, as you can imagine at 6 ft tall and 155 lbs.
I am an ectomorph too, but I do like at least 8 hours of sleep. NOT that I get it, but that is the amount that I feel refreshed! Also, H does require an alarm clock..as he gets up at the crack o dawn--oh wait it is well before that--in order to attend daily Mass. I don't require an alarm clock, but please..I don't have a job. LOL
Neither of us nod off during the day.
Here is an example for you of the differences between us: Last Saturday morn, our daughters three pulled some weird trick on us and slept in til 8:00 a.m. I felt great! That night, H still was his Sleepy Sam Self and I said, But we got tons of sleep last night! He couldn't argue but still he could hardly stay awake.
I think it is years of conditioning that, once it is dark, you just shut yo eyes and go to sleep. His father is the same way. You CANNOT keep him awake after dark. He is also hyper.
Kids fighting, gotta run.
P.S. Whatever you write back to this, you're still wrong.
"I would have picked ectomorph except for the fact that he's so muscular. People are downright shocked when they find out how much he weighs (155) because he looks so much bigger. His legs are huge and the thighs in his jeans always wear out quickly because of that. He has a nice-but-small chest and arms, muscular back that goes down into a lovely little triangle at his trim waist. But he does not have sloping shoulders and a long slender fingers. His face has a square, blocky look to it, though it is rail thin..almost gaunt looking, as you can imagine at 6 ft tall and 155 lbs."
You know, I would consider it a sign of affection if my wife would describe me in such detail to someone. Is that weird?
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I jokingly suggested it because I had just ordered Light His Fire, but then the Mental Explosion happened and I never even cracked open the book. It is still piled under a bunch of crap at my desk.
H said several times, over the last two months, that he was going to read this book. It became...larger..in my mind than it needed to be. It became a symbol of all the stuff he's said over the years and has not followed through on. It was very tempting to buy the book and give it to him and pick up that damn rope. But I managed to ONLY go check it out from the library and keep it in my house until he noticed it. LOLOL Seriously, my plans were to take it back before he noticed and not mention it again.
Several interesting things about that book:
I was nervous about it, since it's obviously written from an HD man's perspective. This seems to have had two effects: Firstly, H is gaining confidence while he's reading about what "men" think and do and act. "Yeah! That's right...men are horny...nothin wrong with that!" That type of thing. Secondly, he has mentioned at least 3 times (he's only on the first chapter) how lucky he is to have a wife who does not withhold sex. He is reading the testimonials from other men and seeing how common it is and is sorta slapping himself and saying, Dude you hit the jackpot! What he is actually saying is more like, "You are the best wife. You are just so nice to me." etc.
Love those WOA! I think he is also seeing that his desires are quite normal and there's not necessarily an urgent need to subvert them all the time. He said last night that I am in for a surprise, now that he's loosened up--he won't be so apt to say "no" to everything. I was so stunned I couldn't say anything, lol. He also voluntarily stayed up last night and gave me a head-to-toe massage. OH and he complimented my choice of underwear. I said, Oh I didn't think you liked this sort of stuff--you told me once that you preferred white cotton. He said, I told ya--I've changed. !!
Anyway, now the guilt over my own book is starting to set in. I suppose I should tuck into it, and find out how to Light His Fire.
Im telling you that was not compatible.