cobra, I'm not meaning to get defensive. The sex addict stuff threw me for a loop, simply because I thought your logic was flawed: Woman wants sex 4 times per week, this is normal for man, but not for woman. Woman may be addicted.
I responded back that frequency preference alone did not indicate whether a person was addicted, so I was curious if it was something I wrote. You said it wasn't so off I went to look at the articles you posted. They did not resonate with me at all.
The SAHM stuff...well, I'm not meaning to get defensive. It's just that only parts of it apply to my sitch (imo) and yet I felt that you just kept coming at me, wanting it to apply. I do not mean to speak for MrH and if I've given that impression, I'm sorry. Whatever I have posted on this board as quotes are things that he has directly said. The others I'm paraphrasing. Rarely do I 'guess' because I've been wrong in the past and, boy, did that make him mad. You are 1000% right on that one. If I'm imagining what he would say to a certain situation (for instance if I was to ask him if he wanted more say wrt our kids), I am basing his imaginary response on things that he has actually said or did, wrt our kids.
I'll tell you what. I will broach this subject tonight and see what he says. The thing that is throwing me off is your statement about how you felt left out when the kids would do things with the neighbors and other people. MrH is not like that. He is *grateful* that he doesn't have to be involved with that stuff. He groans when I tell him, in perfect relief that he was at work and thereby exempt from the torture of play dates and trips to the zoo, etc.
Quote: He knows it, but he still feels that he needs to watch himself when you get angry. And note that your anger could go from 1 to 10. With him you may only get to a 4, so in your eyes, you hold your temper quite well and are very appropriate. I would agree. But to him a level 4 could be his level 8 (his different reality). If he is passive aggressive, he might not tell you.
No doubt you are correct on this one. Bulls eye.
The thing is.....over the years in which we've been fixing this R, I've gotten a handle on my anger. It's still there..I can still be a hothead, but I couldn't tell you the last time I 'blasted' him. He is proud of me for this transformation. There are times when I'm mad at him but I handle it much more maturely and it is over within minutes. This is a big leap from how it used to be! The only thing that causes resentment to stick in my craw these days is sex.
I see your point, though, that my pointed questions and inyerface delivery probably FEELS very aggressive to him. Even though he knows logically that no outsider would label me as aggressive, this is HIM we're talking about. Good point.
So answer me this: How *does* one handle conflict with a passive aggressive person?
It seems that no matter what tactic I take, the repercussions always fall back on me, HARD, and in some unrelated area.
