“I don't care if he challenges them. I actually welcome the stimulation. He will probably lose, lol, cause as I've said this is my occupation and I don't take it lightly--I am educated and have read even more childraising books than I have R books. It's true, people!”
This attitude is VERY dangerous and can grow into a bigger wedge than you realize. And while you may not care if he challenges you, HE may care. He does not want to do it. He doesn’t like the confrontation, so stop expecting that he should be like you. To not see this is to not acknowledge him, and in so doing you are using a control tactic. The worst part is that you seem to be aware of this dynamic and allow it to continue. This is an issue that you might consider (and it is his as well).
He seems to be very passive aggressive to me. These people will not tell you anything is wrong in their life. To do so puts them at odds with you and they don’t want to displease others. But they will do little things as an act of defiance to keep some feeling of control, just not so much as to make the other person angry (whether that person would actually be angry or not).
As for the kids, I don’t want the day to day responsibilities either. I have enough on my plate and if my wife stays at home, she should be largely responsible for the kids. But I don’t want to feel excluded or that somehow I am not part of the team. Often the family would go do different activities during the day, and after some time of this, I began to feel like friends and neighbors knew my kids better than I, only because of the time I had to be away at work. Is this my insecurity? Yes. But I only have so much time at home, then its back to work. I want to feel as needed and involved as possible.
“I don't know if I like having the control, so much as this is my job. I would never presume to tell him how to do his job, as I know very little about the details, and this is how I view our home setup. I know the kids better than he, simply because I spend more time with them. In addition to that, they are all girls so I have to sometimes clue him in.”
My wife made exactly the same arguments. And while I understand this and intellectually accept it, I still don’t FEEL it. He may be feeling the same (again, trying to brainstorm here). This needs two people to work through – he needs to be more assertive, you need to reach out to him and make him feel involved. An analogy – How do you feel when he calls you about an everyday matter that needs some information sharing. Then he asks how you are doing and gives the emotional feedback you want. You’d feel good, right? But what if he said he called for absolutely no reason at all, other than he was thinking of YOU. Wouldn’t you feel so much better? Doesn’t this say so much more? So ALLOWING him to be involved is not the same as PULLING him in to be involved. KWIM?
“He is afraid of disappointing me. And yet he purposely sets up situations where he does just that. This baffles me!” I think the answer to this last remark is embedded in what I am saying here.
“how hard is it really to kiss your wife, compliment her sexually and pat her @ss a couple of times every day?" This is strange to me too. Sounds like more guilt issues?
Regarding the falling asleep in mid-sentence, that is very strange. Was he not able to stay awake? Does he do this often? Does he have narcolepsy? Or do you think it was actually intentional? If the latter, I am leaning more to thinking he has a lot of passive aggressive tendencies. If this is true, he has a lot of issues that he is not being honest about and you are not aware of.
