I don't know how much of Honeypots history you have read, but there is nothing in her history that would make me think "addict" either.
Honeypot, correct me if I'm wrong here but I think we are similar in this.
If her H did any of the things we as women have become accustomed to thinking a male does to show "desire" for her she'd probably be a much happier camper, she probably wouldn't have lost that "lovin feeling"....but he doesn't. She is a woman with a sensual nature, I am that way as well...if there were more sexual play in her relationship (not necessarily sex) she'd be more relaxed about everything but there's not. It's a love language of hers that he doesn't speak. He's making efforts now, but it took her completely shutting down emotionally toward him to finally start doing that.
Having a primal need left unfulfilled naturally will leave one wanting it more and focusing on it...that does not make one an addict. Some men (not thinking of anyone in particular here) have a tendancy to think of women who have a HD as nymphos or addicts....we can have as high a SD as many men. Would a man who wanted sex 4 times a week and also required other signs of affection also be a possible addict in your eyes?
You are absolutely right. And I have not read all HP’s posts, but in this thread I did not see anything mentioned of any particular problems with her husband either. So all I could assume was that there could be a problem with someone – but who? I see that my comments could be taken as sexist but that is not what I felt or intended. Sorry for that implication.
I don’t see anything wrong with a woman wanting sex 4 times as week (I can only wish). As for men, there are some who would say this much sex could be considered a problem, even MBing that much. I don’t see it that way though.
Actually I wasn't intending to imply that you had offended me or that I thought YOU thought women with higher SD's are nyphos or addicts...sorry about that, that truly was a statement not pointed at anyone in general, just based on comments I have heard in the past from men.
If you'll go back through many of Honeypots posts...you'll see that much of their problem is based on her LDH's problem with, basically...self-denial. In the past he had a history of denying himself pleasure so-to-speak. He could be visibly aroused, yet not act on it. That type of thing. Honeypot, I know I'm not even hitting on any of your major problems here...just using an example.
My H also withheld due to prior conditioning and lack of trust from prior R's. The truly sad thing is both HP's hubby and mine married women with higher sex drives. We are women many men think don't even exist who are perfectly normal, well-adjusted, rational thinking, and very sensual.
I just wanted to stop your "addict" theory...not because it doesn't have valuable info, I believe it does. I'm sure there are people here would could fit into that, but because I really felt you were headed down the wrong road with her
Appreciate the feedback. Some seem to think I know a lot about this stuff. I don't feel that way. I try one theory after another until I either see confirmation to stick with it or contradiction to throw it out. Then I search my memory banks to find another pattern and try it out. If a theory seems applicable to one situation, then next time a similar situation arises, I wonder if it could apply again. That's really all I was doing with the addiction comments.
I'm sure you do know quite a bit about it...you appear quite intelligent in your posts and insightful. Keep pluggin away....we all need the different perspectives and input
Quote: As for men, there are some who would say this much sex could be considered a problem, even MBing that much.
Are you saying that there are men out there who would consider having sex 4 times per week, or mb'ing 4 times per week to be excessive and bordering on addiction?
That would sincerely surprise me.
Even my semi-prudish H does not consider that excessive--it's just more than he feels he can deliver.
I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all. At times I need to do it every night. Other times not so often. What I mean is that some people (and I have in mind those ultra conservative, possibly orthodox religious types) think this would be excessive, maybe even a sin. I sometimes think my counselor falls in this camp.
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Being with a man who has a hard--if not impossible--time showing me that I'm desirable to him does weird things to me. It used to make me want to seek that attention out from others, but now it just perplexes me.
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HP -
I think I know what you mean. You want him to have that look in his eye. You want to catch him looking at your a**, his eyes roving all over your body. You want to walk past him naked in the bedroom and have him drooling. You want him to be all over you to the point where you teasingly slap him away (but you don't really mean it). You want him to whisper things in your ear about what he wants to do to you. You want to make out on the couch - just because. You want him to be crazy with desire for you. You want all of this to be natural - like teenagers without restriction.
Did I get it right? I want those same things from my man. When you have to constantly ask for and talk about it, it kind of diminishes the effect when he makes a move (however small that move may be).
HP, Wow, that is monumental. He's actually giving up Mass occasionally to stay up with you!!!! That is HUGE! Way to go! And the anniversary plans...that is big, and the I want to ML, and the sit next to me...HP, you rock, girl!
And the doula thing, that is great! I remember a long time ago you mentioned that. So very cool, you are going for it. That sounds absolutely perfect for you, and you won't have the daily temptation to bring R books home from the library like you would if you worked there You are truely emerging from this an improved person!
I still don't know how you manage the home-schooling. For us, the time the kids are in school is a welcome....no make that much needed...break. Homeschooling, you won't get any 'me' time. With the home schooling, your kids will likely be ahead of their peers scholastically, but do make sure you give them plenty of opportunities to socialize with their peers. We've got several friends, as well as one of my brothers, who home school, and I think I can say without exception that those kids do not do as well in social settings as the kids who go off to school. Not a criticism, just an observation and something to look out for. We'd be doing it too if we thought we could give them a well rounded education both scholastially and socially and if we didn't need the time away from the kids. My hat's off to you!
SO yeah, I betcha yer sitting there ruminating over whether this is a permanent change, or if it is going to revert back to what it was. My feeling is that it will never go back to what it was, but that you may have a little bit of backsliding here and there. I think he finally 'gets' it, and that being the case I don't think either of you is going to let it backslide very far before you do something about it. As for the horniness for him, I don't know. I'm still more or less in the same boat. I hope it returns.
HP, I am so so happy for you. I'm also glad you decided to post about the things he is doing and what is going right for you.
BTW, I want pictures of you in those leather pants
You are truely emerging from this an improved person!