I don’t think you need to do something dangerous to be considered an addict. Excessive shopping can be an addiction but it is not dangerous (depending on how you define dangerous. It could be to your financial health). I think the definition of addiction is that it is self medication used as an escape mechanism from something. Sex addict do fit this term. But I was not sure if yours was emotionally based (in which I think you might look into it) or biologically based (which can’t be changed without meds), assuming you want to change it at all (if you were my wife I certainly wouldn’t want you to change).
Of course we all want affirmation from our spouses. What I meant is that a sex addict (not saying you are one) is really trying to fill an emotional void, but does not realize it. They only know sex blocks the pain, makes them feel better and they want it more and more. Just like any other addiction.
So until you’ve explored all possibilities, I wouldn’t be so willing to throw in the towel just yet on getting more intimacy. And if your husband is obsessed with his religion, there could be a whole drawer full of guilt issues at play. My personal feeling is that some western religions can be far too controlling, shaming and closed to different behaviors. This can be especially true if there are other problems involved, like an abusive parent. This can trigger major guilt issues or many other types of behavioral problems. Sexual problems are not uncommon. I have seen this subject mentioned many times in self-help books.
Hairdog,
I am not a counselor, a therapist or have training in psychology. I am a treasury director with a global company. I have an undergraduate degree in economics and a masters degree in agricultural economics, both from major state universities. I started school in pre-med in the honors program. Most of my work is in finance and investments.
I grew up under a domineering mother, a passive father and have a very assertive wife who has major abandonment issues with her family, to which she reacts strongly. I have spent a small fortune going to counseling for over two years, but it has helped both of us. We see an IMAGO therapist and we both like the approach. (The traditional approach to finger pointing, confronting your parents, feeling your inner child, just doesn’t appeal to me.) I am very analytical but tend to be compromising by nature and feel that I can see both sides of an argument better than most. I am not an aggressive personality type and am more of an introvert, but I don’t like to be pushed around or bullied.
I have done a lot of research and reading on relationship issues (as have my wife, who is a psychology major) and have a whole stack of books still pending. I am 46, wife is 44. We have three kids – D14, D12 & S8. I try to be very involved with my kids. We all take taekwondo lessons together (I’m going to try my hand in a full contact TKD tournament next weekend, with the kids). The girls also take volleyball and tennis. All are straight A students.
