I do not think getting the affection from your spouse is unattainable, unless one or either of you have some medical condition or deeper psychosis. I don’t know enough about you husband, but his actions could be due to many other problems. And, I’m not saying either of you are in MLC. But some of the elements underpinning MLC seem to run into many other types of relationship problems. They just seem to be the most pronounced in MLC, and therefore in some ways, studying MLC makes a good learning platform, hence my reference to it.
I’m not sure about your sex addiction part. You say you would like 4 times per week or more. I think this might be the average desired by men, but my feeling is most women aren’t that high. With men who are sex-starved, they may want it everyday, but once this need has been satiated, their drive slows to a more “normal” level. Possibly you just have pent up demand that will lessen after a week or two of high frequency sex. Or perhaps you do have some mild form of addiction, possibly used as a wall to block out other emotions?
I do not think what you want is difficult for most men her to achieve, in fact, I think they would love this. But LD men generally are not visiting this website, so the answers you get will likely be biased.
Here is another angle, a topic I found interesting and made comments about in other threads. It is from the book "Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love --The Love Connection to Codependence" by Pia Mellody. Here's a website that refers to her work:
Both talk about a special subset of codependence they call the “Love Addict” and the “Love Avoider”. These two are responses to different childhood problems of abandonment. Could your longing for your husband also include this need for affirmation from him (implying you are the love addict), or do you think it is only biological? He on the other hand sounds like an avoider (like many men). The theory is that this too is a defense mechanism, out of fear on engulfment. This means that as an “abandoned” child, a dominant figure overloaded the child with too much emotional responsibility and stress. So withdrawing becomes the natural reaction.
But love avoiders will experience abandonment fears if the love addict stops pursuing them. This seems so contrary to the image they put forth. The avoider will also divert from the addict by himself becoming addicted to something else, like the kids, work or hobbies.
Does your husband fit this in any way? If so, I would think he needs to work through some issues but I do not think meeting your objectives is completely unattainable for him.
