No, nothing new going on here dear. Just trudging along. Have kind of gotten so I don't care anymore about the lack of passionate sex. I actually turned him down weekend before last I was tired and really could have cared less. Its just back to I know I have to hurt his feelings and tell him he has to get his ED problem checked out again.
I stay busy. The belly dance troup I am in actually performed recently It was fun.
I really doubt, knowing you as I think I've come to (as well as one can on here LOL) that you've made a big deal out of the book. But it became one for you. It became one for me too. It would eat away at me that my H said he'd listen to the CD but never even cracked the seal on it.
I've never made a big deal out of it either, asked once or twice if he'd listened to it (knowing of course he hadn't). But never pushed it on him...but it ate away at me anyway why? Because I'd been told several times that "I'll do whatever it takes to fix this."
Everytime I walk by the table where that CD sits (even though it's covered up by many papers) I seeth inwardly that he hasn't even bothered to take off the cellphane wrapping....so it's obvious to me he hasn't listened to it either.
That's why I've decided to get it out of he house and give it to someone else who could use it. And that's why I brought it up to you....no, you haven't pushed it....but the mere simple fact that it's there to remind you he hasn't done it will eat at you.
I have been doing some reading and posting recently on the MLC board and had a thought in reading this thread. I don’t know if it applies but I will throw it out as a new angle for your consideration.
Sometimes when men move into MLC, they are frustrated in their sex life and want more frequency, intensity, etc. Some can be obsessed with this to the point that it is actually an addiction, much like any other. What puzzles me is that the men feel the drive, so the chemicals are flowing, but that in turn seems to be controlled to some extent by the mental/emotional condition. I think that working on the addiction will ultimately lessen the drive, though not eliminate it, like with an alcoholic. Could there be such an issue at play here?
One other thought about resentment. I believe many MLCers strike out on their own in order to pursue a fantasy that has been brewing for years, in combination with escaping the obvious personality/relationship conflicts. But I also believe that after receiving a hard does of reality, they come to reevaluate those things that are important in their lives. I see this as closing the gap between their fantasy and the reality. Disappointment and resentment come from too large a gap between the two. Blame is usually placed on the reality (i.e., the other person) for not meeting your standards (the fantasy). But often those standards are unrealistically high and impossible for most people to attain. MLCers who return home come to realize this, tone down their expectations (along with changes by the spouse) to a more realistic level, and actually find more contentment. Could this scenario also be at play with you, only on a more diluted level?
GEL,
If your husband does not like to read anything, could he have ADD?
See this was all his idea. I never mentioned a word about it; that's why I felt it held such promise. And he has to go and do this! It is such a small, insignificant issue but it would have packed a huge wallop with me. It coulda been a contender, lol!
Ah, well, it's not the first time he's dropped the ball and lord knows I've dropped them thousands of times myself and let him down.
I'm assuming you are suggesting that I'm in MLC, and not MrH, right?
It doesn't ring true with me. It doesn't have that 'zing' of truth, kwim?
I am not addicted or obssessed. I'm simply a woman who wants her man to want her and show her his desire. You show your wife that you desire her, right? That's all I want.
Quote: But often those standards are unrealistically high and impossible for most people to attain.
Is what I want impossible for the Normal Male to attain? That is an honest question for the fellas here. If it is, then perhaps you are right and I do need to reshape my thinking. I have this impression that men..you know, the "men" that society loves to talk about..love sex and women and everything that goes with it. Being with a man who has a hard--if not impossible--time showing me that I'm desirable to him does weird things to me. It used to make me want to seek that attention out from others, but now it just perplexes me.
Quote: tone down their expectations (along with changes by the spouse) to a more realistic level, and actually find more contentment. Could this scenario also be at play with you, only on a more diluted level?
Sure sounds like me! Only I picture those grateful people coming back home, happy to be reunited with loved ones and kicking themselves for their stupidity. I'm not doing that. I'm saying to myself, Self you still deserve this but you are banging your head into a brick wall. Time to stop the bleeding. He is what he is and that is a pretty great guy. It's not perfect and gosh DAMN am I sad and grieving, but what else can I do?
I don't feel grateful and happy to be 'home', so to speak. I feel somewhat sad at the thought of never being groped again or passionately ML to, or all the other "or's" that I could list but won't.
Your post makes me sad. I don't think that you are in a MLC. I do think that you are in mourning. I'm not sure that you can't ever have what you want though. The trouble is that it is entirely up to Mr. HP to make those changes or not. I think you figured out that beyond mutual respect and a reasonable give and take it is up to him whether to ramp it up or not. I know the feeling.
"Is what I want impossible for the Normal Male to attain?" Don't know if I am a normal male, but its not impossible for me. In fact it is pretty darn easy for me to show my W I desire her. And I can't imagine she has any misunderstandings about that part of our relationship.
"does weird things to me. It used to make me want to seek that attention out from others, but now it just perplexes me." Right on sister. It does weird things and perplexes me too. Although not as much as it did before I started talking to you folks.
"or all the other "or's" that I could list but won't" I'll list some more. Never stared at with obvious desire Never hear something kinky whispered in your ear (like that darn carnival thing, thanks a lot Hairdog ) Never hear those words "I want you NOW!" Never feel a heavy weight on you as you wake up in the morning (unless its a heart attack) Never ...
OK. I'd better stop. I think I'll go throw up now ... my stomach hurts.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES I'm going to go workout and play some b-ball. The iron is going to fly today and there may be some hard dunking going on. Grrr! Back later and hopefully calmer. And maybe I can actually get some work done today too.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I was tired and really could have cared less. Its just back to I know I have to hurt his feelings and tell him he has to get his ED problem checked out again. 
It was fun.
