Quote:

I understand what you are saying, but I thought that is what both parties stated they were doing at the alter.



The faults that I was accepting at the altar are in NO way the faults that I am having to come to terms with now. MrH is night and day from what he was 10 years ago. If you think that is not a difficult thing to undergo--watch your spouse transform themselves in front of your very eyes and then have to find a way to fall in love with the NEW guy--you've got another think comin.

I always wanted--no, expected , if you wanna know the awful truth--a man who desired me and showed that.

I will not have that in my life as long as I am married to MrH. Even now, when he is worried that I'm going to walk out the door, his shows of desire are very very small. He is not a groper or a twinkle in the eye guy, or adventurous or lusty. He is very in control of himself, at all times. You might think this is a good quality, blackfoot, but I can tell you that women are bored by this.

So that is what I am grieving.

However, MrH is stable, reliable, funny, generous, giving, helpful, kind, nurturing to our kids, strong, courageous, and faith-filled.
That's a pretty good list! So it's not all bad.

But my point is that looking on the ol' bright side does in no way help the grief go away. It's still there. It's a fcuking bummer but it's not the end of the world. I'd still choose him.

Last night I dreamt a woman called me up, out of the blue, and confessed that she and MrH were in the midst of an affair, that hadn't yet turned physical. I was blown away. As MrH was tucking me in this morning before he left, I whispered to him, Cheater. He said, Good night honey. LOL

I have worried about a lot of things in my life but MrH cheating on me is not one of them. I think he'd be the last candidate for that. Firstly, his moral and religious beliefs are too strong to even dip a toe in that temptation and secondly, he's been head over heels in love with me since we met and I've always felt his devotion, even if it wasn't demonstrated physically or verbally.