Honey, you're going to have to let the past go sometime. At this point, what does it matter if on some date in the past he did this or that trivial thing with a person he's no longer involved with, if you've now gotten into working things out with him. It's just not that significant IMO. Significant would be 'what were the problems that influenced him to have the affair" and "what was he got from the affair that made him feel good" and even those things are better handled in structured sessions rather than randomly.
So, you had this on your mind, and maybe that's why you felt "that nagging little voice says 'hold on' there is more to come" and you've given yourself therefore a self-fulfilling prophecy. You were dwelling on it, you developed this negative feeling, and you acted on it and made it come true. Do you see that?
It's the equivalent of when, for example, one thinks, "Uh oh... I'm half an hour late for dinner, my partner's going to be furious!" So, you get home, already prepared fir the upcoming battle, and your mate says "What happened?" and you fly off the handle because of your slant. Similarly, think of how MWD wrote in her book about the time she came home from traveling and was already seeing her reunion with her H as going south, but then decided to 'act as if" and envisioned the reunion as a happy time instead, and it turned out so. It's because we change our perception to a positive one so that we don't influence ourselves to act on a negative perception, and that can influence everything around us.
You took a step backwards. You backslid. Maybe the thing to do is to take a step forward. Fowardslide now (hey, I made up a new word!). What's this really about? You bringing up the past, some little detail, makes him feel guilty, angry, the big picture is that you've been both doing well in your reconciliation and moving forward, the past can't be changed... what do YOU think is appropriate for you to do now?
