It has been sometime since I posted but wanted to write an update. My lease is drawing to end on my apartment so a decision to go home is fast approaching. My H wants me to come home and put our lives back together. As you know, my "self talk" is to stay "positive" don't look back, look forward. It is incredible how far I've come, but now reality is knocking on my door. It's kind of crazy, but part of me wants to go home more than anything, and then there is another part of me that likes things just the way they are. I've been separated now for 10 months and it has been quite a journey. I love my husband and I want things to work out for us and I know in my heart they can be worked out, but that nagging little voice says "hold on" there is more to come. I can't quite put my finger on why I have this attitude because again, I keep my thoughts positive but like all of you, I struggle with thoughts of a better life. A life that doesn't quite take this kind of work. A life that doesn't have to keep feeding yourself all the positives and not the negatives. You see, it is a constant battle within myself and sometimes it drains every bit of my energy. I'm hoping my decision will be the right one for me. And for so long, I worried what my H would do if we didn't make it through this, but now I look at what's best for me. ME! Selfish? No, I don't think so. After all if you don't feel good about yourself, how do you expect anyone else to feel good being around you? Anyway, I think I'll be going home soon.....
