explore what underlying reasons that may have caused the A and I spoke to my C regarding just this. My C said it was a personal problem
Not for nothing, but, duh!
that my H had, his opinion was that my H took on a "parental" role, he needed to be needed... my H swears he has learned his lesson and that I should never have to worry about this again. I really believe his sincerity about this. Am I being naive?
He could be very sincere, but people can lapse into past behaviors if those behaviors are ingrained over many years. It can very well be that he's "learned a lesson", and that may work, yet in addition to that, it may serve him very well to know how and what to re-think and do to be on guard next time, if there is a next time, that the circumstantial patterns arise that prompts him to respond by becoming the "rescuer". It's similar to breaking a habit.
He can learn "why" he responds that way, what it is about the person and/or circumstances that makes him feel that he's the one that needs to do something, so as to recognize it when it's happening. For example, perhaps he believes that a "good person" is obligated to help or he feels guilty if he doesn't help enough; perhaps seeing other people having problems agitates him, so he wants to fix things; perhaps he wants to feel needed... there are probably some fears and anxieties he creates for himself when faced with others having problems that create the willingness in him to act on them. It's about learning how to handle those feelings and thoughts in a healthier manner.
I honestly believe that we are healing and that we are going to be able to pull this M back together. A total 180 from what I was thinking about a month ago.
Glad your outlook is happier, Gwyn. Remember it's not smooth sailing, most relationships aren't, so if you encounter a setback, don't let it derail you.
