Just because H doesn't respond in a way you'd like does not signify that you're doing anything "wrong".
You're obviously taking some better steps regarding yourself nowadays than you were previously. H's actions and behavior as a result of these modifications may or may not come in time, but that's up to him.
Should marriage and love be this tough?
In a perfect world, no. But we don't live in a perfect world, and we don't have perfect relationships with perfect people, and we're not perfect either. Though others may not be wrestling with these type of problems (but may be embroiled in other problems nonetheless), it's more a matter of the question being, "do you want to make it work with this person?" and "is it worth it?".
I'm not sure that I'm the type of person to "get over it"
Who really "gets over it", Gywn? What we do, at best, is let go of it and not permit it to haunt us anymore. We simply can't allow this to stump our lives continually, not if we wish to find our happiness and live it. We can be sad about what happened, but sadness has its end, and continued misery over it is a terrible option we give ourselves. We focus on the damage that's occurred, we dwell in the negative zone. But there's positive aspects to life, and dwelling on those are what the optimist does. And look, though you've suffered greatly, there are positives out of this: you're learning things about yourself and improving things about yourself, your H learned a lesson, and both of you have an opportunity for something far better than you had before. My car got totaled, I almost got killed... but I ended up alive, a little bit more knowledgeable about what to do next time, and with a better car. I got divorced once years ago, had I not, I wouldn't have met the girl who did become my greatest love (though she's the one that became the WAW). There's good and bad in life, the greatest lessons seem to come from the pain. There comes a time we pretty much have to accept what we have no choice but to accept, and grab a hold of life, choosing that instead.
