Locked out of my old thread so I'm starting a new one.
For all those who knows my sitch. I'm doing much better, I'm controlling my thoughts a little better and certainly trying to control my anger. Tears have taken the place of anger which is much healthier, in my opinion. My H stayed with me last night in my apt. and I slept through the night for the first time in months. We spent the morning together drinking coffee and watching the news. It seemed so normal. I know I have a lot of healing to do. I'm taking one day at a time and trying to work things through within myself. My MC and I have decided that for now he wants to see me without my H. We're going to work on me - he said that I hold on to hope and still am very hopeless because I keep cycling everything so we have come to an agreement that he is going to work with me alone. I'm looking forward to it and I hope that this will give me some clear direction.
H said somethings yesterday that made me feel a better peace about him. He said that not a day goes by that he doesn't think about how much he has destroyed our M. He goes to bed alone and thinks about it, he gets up in the morning and thinks about it, and wonders what we would be doing now if his behavior had not been so horrible. He truly is beating himself up more than I could ever beat him up so I'm letting him do it instead of me.
I am still praying that God will direct me and if it is meant for me to leave my H, He will open that door, if it is meant for me to stay, I'll find peace with that.
All I have is hope and I'm goiong to work from there.
