Stop calling me that. I have no negative intentions, its not underhanded or furtive. I am astute, clever, and agile. I know you are being funny, but some here already think I am manipulative and out for some personal gain in this. If I have to spill myself all over, I am going to have some good come of it.
And no you did not finally draw that out of me hmmpff. Of course not. You wanted to. still, claiming to be incontrol does not thee put there.
I figured we would just stop dancing around the issue. Well one of them at any rate. and one that can make the most changes for you. its good, its what you have wanted.
Big question now. Are you up for the challenge? Because I am all out of ideas
No thats not the big question. because its not going to affect my life one way or another. Are YOU up for the challenge. seems so, you are here, and trying something new. so how about reviewing things that didnt work and going with maybe the opposite of those and some counter intuitive.
You have already started. Your bedroom is no longer a war zone. Wow. That is all about you. That was your choice. You wanted to stay in your R and try again to do something, even though great sex hadnt netted you positive results in the past. sex is not the cure all, but using it as a weapon will not allow him to be in a place to want to work with you, on the things he is willing to work on. Some things he wont be willing. Thats life.
Oh that reminds me of another discrepancy from you. Busted again. You said things had been a little better. and I suggested that may be from scheduling sex and forcing each other to let go of resentments. Sex does create positive feelings. Thats why women fight against it when they are mad. They want to hold on to their anger. Or detach from it to 'punish him'. and end up creating more resentment in themself when he is able to satisfy himself without her EC. Mrs. NOP brought up a similar idea somewhere.
You said nah cant be that its just sex. .. pfff I said I dont believe that and now I run across this quote from you to Lorio His outgoing personality is not personal. Sex is!
busted.
Has it toned down your H's anger?
Other things you tried that didnt work Running away. Detaching. Seeking in others.
try the things I have suggested. If your H is grabby and it irks you, grab his wrist stare him in the eye and say, "STOP. please." It has to be repeated. men are thick. we need repetition for it to sink in.
Think of a pet name to give him. Think of him this way in your head. If you want him to do some 'honey do' house task tell him you NEED him to do/ help you with it. Because he is a big strong manly hunk of burning burning love or some such thing. It can be funny if it is sincere. Will this work? dont know. But I dont think your H is lazy, he has a job and a big family he supports.
Dont just assign him a task like you do your children. We dont want a mother ordering us around.
You have been with him for 15 years, holy catfish you cant compare him with some ancient memory, of a idealized little girls perception and emotions that came with it, to this reality. Those emotions however misguided were real, those chemicals are powerful especially at that time period of life, and left a deep impression. the first cut is always the deepest.
You have had a few guys in your life, you picked up pieces of them as you went, and characteristics that you liked about men. He is his own man though and you made that choice.
Let me repeat. If put side by side and made to choose between what I wanted and I did not get or the precious things I recieved in lew of this. I would be right here were I am now This is very powerful. and your H is a large part of it. So while attraction bends us to its will as evidenced by the many stupid 'choices' we make, loving with hope and forgiveness while seeing the negatives clearly is trully powerful and a real choice.
Your H is responsible for, and a part of, the good (and bad) parts of much of where you are. Give him credit. How long were you married first time? What is your longest R?
You do not exist outside of everyone else around you. Trying has not been productive. so stop trying.
Dinner together was great idea. still doing it?
how to shut out the ghost and become emotionally functionable again? shutting out the ghost is not the way to go. embracing and accepting it is. putting it in its place and honestly saying I have these emotions for what I remember of it, but not seeking out or having contact with the reality. What you remember of it is not always accurate.
Your view will always be skewed, attraction will always control your perception in that area. and your perception was skewed, because the R did not work out. It was intense, it was powerful, it molded you, it was short. The reality of it is IMO, it was a bad R. It was a negative influence in your life. Not one positive thing came from it. Did it improve you in any way? add to the peace or lasting happiness of your life? you dont control your emotions, but you do control your perceptions, of what causes them.
another example, you said you hated H when OW was in your house. Did you hate him or did the feeling that came about because of the sitch make you so mad and fearful from past experience that you had to place it on him?
x and I failed because for some reason our R was not strong enough, our attachment to each other was not what I thought it was. Was my perception of being loved by or loving her wrong. no, and neither was her perception of loving me or being loved (not enough) by me. She wasnt right for me becuase she left. I wasnt right for her because she left. and that is all you can hold on to when the R is over.
What ifs, shoulda woulda coulda, is not accepting or dealing. Its not appreciating or accepting. You should have figured out by now too many men in the heart doesnt work well for a woman. Put your H in there and put the rest in their little individual rooms in your head.
easier said then done. Behaiving in certain ways helps immensely.
still, claiming to be incontrol does not thee put there. 
