SOB. Lost another to the ether. lets try again. Actually let me recant that. If put side by side and made to choose between what I wanted and I did not get or the precious things I recieved in lew of this. I would be right here were I am now
This is very powerful. and your H is a large part of it. So while attraction bends us to its will as evidenced by the many stupid 'choices' we make, loving with hope and forgiveness while seeing the negatives clearly is trully powerful and a real choice.
Something about jealousy that some understand some don't. And yeah this will be one of those things that others don't agree with me on.
I am going to state my position on this now. Ive elicited comments from others not to help me make up my mind, just generate thoughts in others.
Biologically, I completely agree with you and Lil's comments. unequivocally. If there is no better choice, if you are at your best, your SO will not look anywhere else. Even when you lapse for a short bit. But biology is hugely selfish. It only cares about propagating. and a person cannot become so lackadasical, or feel so superior, that they feel it can be endlessly tested. intentionally or unintentionally. because in truth we may be better, but that one thing, the something different, variety, unpredictability will come in. and hence I agree with HP that it needs to be protected. my (personal) ethics, morality, whatever you want to call it is very strong. I set down my beliefs along time ago and do not allow my feelings to change them. I am ridgid and unyielding with myself in this area. I still fell (internally) for my PA. Life often throws these at us. We shouldnt make it any easier thru indifference. and becuase I believe men and women have different roles to play this D is my fault. but the cards have been dealt and the hand played.
jealousy just about ate through my soul and brought me to the bowls of hell and I will never ever ever go there again
You had no control over it then, do you think you do know? I thought I did. oops. better to put small efforts into protecting and answering the twinges honestly then detaching to avoid methinks. because the stress comes out somewhere, somehow eventually. and controlled venting is much less destructive then bottled explosions. I hope you hear what I am trying to convey.
What are only the men not suppose to apolize?
Yes. only the men should not apologize. They do it way TOOOO much. and it is often a test. A womans frame is supplicating not an attractive mans. so you are acting as you want him to act and he is doing the opposite.
Your funny 1. 2. punch is exactly why men should not apologize. So your H is failing the tests in more ways then 2. Where is he? I want to smack the wuss out of him.
FEMALE DOG? ohhhh sooooo tempting.......... resist. resist. resist. ahhhhhh. cant do it.
Babe In Total Control of Herself
Its so perfect it should be framed and signed It makes me look spectacular when you play along so well.
I cannot see myself calling anybody a big stud muffin (yes this stuck with me I was howling with laughter inside just thinking about uttering these words)
Is he big? yep. Is he a stud? from your previous description. yep dont like muffin? fine chose something else. that was just a famous line from Top Gun. This is a HUGE 180 for you. Do it internally for a bit. Then start vebalizing it. You may be suprised by both you and his reactions.
I use to call my H hon all the time and he loved it until he realized I called everyone hon. Customers co-workers ect now I call him by his last name just to give him the soul ownership of a loving pet name type deal. Yeah not loving enough
Yeah I call everyone babe. x thought this was special to her for several months in the beginning. Untill one night she heard found out differently......... such theatrics over nothing. I gave her several others, though apparently my last name wasnt a favorite..... kidding, kinda.
Yes effort and trying does and should get major points, when it is done out of love. Your sneaky Takes one to catch one. I prefer astute and a keen observer of human nature though. more positive sounding.
To the best of my ability under the circumstances yes. I know it is. You are dealing with a lot internally and externally. Its impressive and I point out some of these things and offer suggestions, in the hopes it will make it easier for you.
I hope she has a decent voice. That is a hard song to carry off. she is no american idol winner, but its very decent. Its not even one of my requirements, just one of her nice bonuses.
and no I am not picky. LOL. Any contact made yet? Or are you still keeping a little out of arm reach still?
I dont contact her. except in response to some legal necessity. I did respond for one week a while back. It was enough to convince me that I shouldnt.
now for the yuckky post.
It is not a song of ending or closure. It is a song of sorrow and confusion and remorse.
I know. I know the lyrics, besides the fact it is acapella and clear she included the lyrics in the email. "they are perfect"
that your wife loves you
x has affection and attraction. not the same as love. IMO.
her own fear and guilt. I know.
I believe she creates her own by not excepting what she did and not knowing how to fix it. me too. I was hoping that she would take some responsibility and show some attempts at fixing it. all I have seen is confusion, resentment, victim, and finger pointing.
x is unwilling to give me what she claims to want (and truth be said is showing with her actions) Really what actions is that?
Divorce is merciful. Divorce is a choice. Divorce says you didnt cut it for (n) resason. Divorce says you are not acceptable to me. OK and OK. putting away (seperating) does none of these things.she is showing she wants one, by seperating, by attending coworkers wedding with OM, going to other state to visit, by filing for D. Daily contact with OM, we have talked 12? or less times in the past 5 months.
Enough of her might be motives Hey something else we agree on. ignore the words, look at the body langauge. or actions. Dont mind read. dont expect others too.
so I can move on with my conscience clear. Really this little piece of paper is going to achieve that?
my heart and soul have been released already, by her. untill I have the POP I am not free to do as I want. and the fact that this is a legal prop, from european heritage to maintain familial and asset contol is moot. Its the society I live in.
it is a form of detachment for the purpose of avoidence I expected her to cease contact with OM. I will not expect any less from myself out of respect for her new R. yes it makes it easier to move on. yes it is detaching. that is a synonym for sever. which she did. or I did by berating. finger pointing is also useless.
Nice attempt of a cover up!
puuuuhhhhh no it was pitiful. gross. I was really hurting that day. Its no excuse. the 9 years were not a waste 7 of them were fantastic IMO. apparently not enough so in hers. my withrawal symptoms from it is proof of that. I didnt/dont? believe in legal marriage but getting married was the best thing I ever did. I grew and changed a lot because of it.
We all know the BF on this board would have been smarter then that. He would have opened a new account and just transferred all his funds to that account if he did not want that tie to remain intact.
Money means nothing to me. material possesions mean nothing to me. I have furnished and walked away from 3 places in the past couple years. Its about to become 4 though I am keeping my TV this time. That tie is there for legal reasons. I exaggerated when I said she could bankrupt me. clean me out of liquid assets and seemingly indebt me untill D is final, yes. I still have to undue some equal property shareholding between OM and I. We both mentioned it, the first week, neither has done anything, though we will never have contact again. Lazy procrastinators the both of us I guess. Ive been kinda busy running around states, working, dealing with emotional blackfoot. It was tiring.
We only have one shot at true love in our life true love doesnt need to be tested, its not true untill its been tested
Or searching so hard for it that we don't see it when it is starring us right in our faces which allows us to never find it. wow I thought this was great, but not for me. I never went looking for it. I thought I had it. I didnt WA. Im not going to go looking again.
then again if you look hard and are savvy you could see some things that point to strong emotional ties between us. or maybe that is just projection, wishful thinking overactive frame control on my part. Who knows. It doesnt matter what I think, it just matters what is.
I know what your pride and ego and beliefs say.
well my beliefs are a strange collection that are based on healthy physc and idealisms, common religious (not just christian) principals, karma, E. Abbots flatlander theory, and the thought that even though I am not even a grain of sand in the universal picture, conservation of mass makes us all one. I would be suprised to find another with them. If it were my pride and ego I would have filed myself the day she told me 'I told OM I love him'. They are hurt. I am not holding back out of pride. I am holding back out of a desire for a healthy R, be it with her or another.
A heart put aside is misplaced and even if relocated it does not function as well. are you preachin to the choir or is the choir preachin? According to her I put hers aside, and she did mine also. we have not relocated it and I would not expect it to function much at all let alone well, if we did.
But I am asking you to be sure before you move on.
I am waiting. I will be sure on D day, partly because I have been waiting so long. I held back last night, and for the first time it was a internal mental order. difficult. I got caught up in the interaction instead of just observing myself in it. enough said.
I would hate to see you in another relaionship of three ghost don't move around quitely for long
True, and I wont do that. I will wait untill my head is locked down to get in another serious R. If I ever have that inclination again. Change of venue, change of job, change of associates, change of hobbies make all this easier. It removes all associative triggers. I just want the freedom to take care of myself. I was in a serious R once before, when x and I got around to talking about it in the beginning I seriously could not remember her name for a couple minutes. It took days to remember her last name, when I just sat up in bed and said it suddenly. LOL It still escapes me once in a while.
So I think you understand my sitch well, for various reasons. I have a few arguing voices in my head allready over this, and you come in with 2 dissenting voices also.
It makes me look spectacular when you play along so well. 
cant live with em, cant hunt em. 
