not simply that we are owed it and you are grudgingly paying a back debt.
Ah my H would be foolish to ever think such a thing. He knows that I do not feel I owe him in any way shape or form. It is just not me.
I have really found that the loosely scheduled sex that is derived from the min amount of times per month and marking it down has really aided in our relationship. Our bedroom use to be like a war zone. We would have sex and he would say we had not had sex in weeks prior even if it had only been two day. He acted deprived all the time. And I became a fury of resentment instead of a sex partner. This continued even after I set the min and had been sticking to it for almost a year. We never had sex blah blah and the fights went on almost daily. Now since I have been bold face marking it on a calender in plan sight and he knows what those marks are. Ahh not many of those unfounded fights take place between us any more. Alot of my resentment has ebbed away between that and coming here and getting a greater understanding of what sex means to him. This whole LL and EC thing was totally a new concept to me as being a large need for some. Which is leading us back into the role of being sexual partners.
I want a great relationshp to me that should lead to great sex. Turning it around to great sex leading to a great relationship is not been my experience. But I am putting a effort into reversing my thinking and trying this.
Past experience does not support this thought process. I have had boyfriends were there was great sex. The relationship lacked everything else. And never matured into more. My ex and I had a awesome sex life but that relationship still eroded into a not so great relationship. So we will see if this concept works this time around.
We HD men want more sex but we want to feel that you want to ML,
I iniate sex at least half the time in the min of the month. Yes it may only be drop your drawers last name. Or hmm I think we need to have sex comments as I snuggle up to him on most occassions. But I can be enticed to well exceed that min. The problem is my H lacks the imagination to do so. The whole enticing part is beyond him. And as stated earlier I get bored very easy and once things become boring to me I do not want to be bothered with them much. I have a very playful personality. I love simple playful banter. Get me in a playful mood and you are gonna get my juices flowing and out of the clear blue I am going to do something off the wall. My H after 15 years has never caught onto this (when I am talking playful banter I do not mean overtly sexual I mean fun picking and playing). Playing around lightens the mood and allows you to not have to think logical and respond as such. You become much more free spirted and unencumbered. A light hearted mood is so much easier then a serious or bored mood to respond from. At least for me.
Again I am not really a LD person. I am very HD. I would have sex almost daily if I got anything from it other then a orgasm. But currently I do not. I achieve no feeling of being loved or cherished or closeness or even the feeling of being desired that comes from sex or even a happy mood. And I can have a orgasm with or without a partner. So until I can derive something deeper in meaning from the act then a orgasm it will be unfufilling to me in ways. And more about having sex to fufill my H's love tank and needs. This is where I hit my head on that brick wall that stops us in our tracks. Frequency is not a issue in my marriage. Lack of my particapation is no longer a issue. Orgasms are no longer a issue in my marriage. Our biggest difference is the difference in what sex means to us and give us. My H is satisfied with our sexual encounters (there is a few things he would like more of I don't deny that). But I no matter how satisfied on a sexual side still find something very hallow to the experience.
anyhoo.
My H seldom turns me down so I lol of course to your comment about regretting it when you turn your wife down. H did turn me down two days in a row. And I believe regretted it majorly when mother nature came a calling a few days early. By day two he was chomping at the bit. And kicking his own azz. Lol gotta love it! What ever oddly ailed him on those two days or point he was trying to make is history. We are up and running for the month already.
