Chrissy,

I want to post to you on your sitch. I have a ton to comment on. But when I go to start typing my mind goes blank, and I struggle. Thats about me.

I read your actions and see the underlying reasons for them are much like my own, I just dont see that you have rationalized it like I have, or maybe dont see it clearly as I do, though I find that hard to believe. I think your self awareness is high, and so I wonder about the contradictions. Do you belive them or do you wish to be called on them.

I also dont want to hear what I have to say. But thats too much about me and this is your thread.

So I have been procrastinating, and taking the easy threads. Or waiting for you to post and responding limitedly. Despite my intention to 'throw some things at you'. Got your glove on?

You said your H reads here occasionally. I hope he reads thru your posts in order to understand you better and not take the hurtful things you say personnally. You have left the keys to your heart scattered all thruout your posts, it would take a lot of keys to get to your heart, its a hidden trail of sorts, but your bluntness could leave him blind to them because of his hurt feelings.

I am not suggesting you change your posting style at all.

I also see how your needs, and your 'testing' could appear to be a never ending cycle and cause their own failure.

so on to the easy part.

No I have alot of skill and practice with not allowing men to control me. Which makes it a game to a man and the hunt is on. Somewhere in the game the tables seem to turn and I am the one holding the controll over them in the end.

If you play these semantical games with ME these convos are going to be a useless endeavor. You know as well as I that the control flips as soon as the HUNT IS ON. Which is immediate in most cases, isnt it.

You know you are right on this also
Ok. Thats better. Of course I know I am right.
So you know that it is self protecting, which means done out of fear, and has pros and cons. At work knock yourself out and have fun with it. At home the cons are heavy, and hurtful to your R.

So maybe as you keep trying to point out to me my personality out powers/over powers his. Thus keeping me in control.

Your fear keeps you needing to be in control. And I will wager the life of my former best friend, that you came into this R with a lot more R experience then he did. ( never wager what you are not willing to lose.) Your life experiences and attributes has given you the means and skills to out wit him. To the detriment of your M.

if being in charge is really a part of my nature to the point it

its part of your nature because it keeps you from needing anyone, and susceptible to being vulnerable or hurt. Which you have been to the nth degree more then once.
But the truth is you are vulnerable, and stuffing it when you are hurt emotionally, being so detached is bad for the R and not truthful. For example, you made light of the fact that OW was in your house while you were gone. It irritated you because H found someone else to take care of things, instead of doing it himself. You wouldnt admit to jealously though. Oh no Chrissy is above that. This was a perfectly acceptable time to be jealous, show it in a healthy way and allow you H to see that what he does has some affect on you.

Apparent indifference is death to a R. At least emotional reactions show something. I am currently killing all chances with my x, by using Indifference. I was gracious, compassionate, wished her happiness, hope things work out for her, listened to her for 3 hours but she couldnt get a reaction out of me if she hooked me up to high voltage. and she has been trying, alot. If she had WA the second time without resuming A it would be different. She asks if I have been dating, how far I have gone, seems almost desperate that I have been out. talks about friends who are 'even' and stayed together because of this. I just say adultery is abhorrent to me and am waiting for my piece of paper. Since there is A, I can kill it if I want to. and use her Reactions to my actions to do it.
But truth be told every time I do it, I smash my own heart with a sledgehammer.

And this is what I mean by being R 'experts'. We know by education, experience and innate skill how to make the opposite sex tick, tock. Is it put to good use, in a healthy way or are you devising your own R failure?
Your H goes thru intimacy, conflict and withdrawal. Men have deep feelings also, though you want us to control them. Do you make this easy or hard?

I do not purposely test him that is his game not mine. Dealing with me may soemtimes put him to the test though
I have never said it was purposeful on a womans part or your part. But women are 'wired' to test us constantly as men allready. Your life experiences sharpened that skill immensely. Marriage is the struggle against our innate tendancies. stop testing your H so much. Fight your tendancies and maybe/likely his will subside. Especially since you look at it for all intensive purposes as an arranged marriage anyways. And you see his 'tests' of course. They are probably elementary to you. But do you use them to keep yourself in control or to engender good feelings in him and security in the R?

I am a arousal then desire person
I wont argue, but I will cock my eybrow and grunt. Maybe in this R. Maybe because of the way things are currently.

I have told him that I want him to be more satisfied that I do this for him yeah I would say he is aware of it.
Man I would be pissed and not wanting to have sex either. Id be like 'Fine I am going to the strip club' oh wait I did that, thats why I am here.....


I did not feel it wronge to take advantage of sexuality and mens own knack for thinking with the wronge body part for self gain. Dealing with these type of men did by all means leave a bad taste in my mouth

This is contradictory and exactly what I was talking about. They are not thinking with the wrong body part, anymore then women are 'not thinking' when I come in and start hitting their attraction sequence. We are each coded a certain way, there is nothing we can do about it.
Maliciously using it, expecting them to be above attraction and not to respond to what is in us to perpetuate the species, is hypocritical. I may not be affected by what a woman is, but I am subject to male drives. Why shouldnt she be subject to hers?

Using it in a negative way, like manipulation, self gratification, or dishonestly, hurts the negative user in the long run.

I doubt there are many guys that could pass your tests long term Chrissy

I am usually the one who gets bored and leaves the relationship.

ROFLMAO. You proved -not disproved- my comment with this statement. They are constantly chasing you, you are testing them to see if they will 'be a man' -whatever that means in a womans head (teach me please ) and they fail, so you get bored, have no attraction, and move on.


But once something is no longer challenging I have a hard time wanting to continue bothering with it

I know what you meant but here is a perception twist for you. There is nothing more challanging then a long term passionate R.

BF I guess you are right you men are such simple creatures

My head is big enough allready.

Seriously that is a good thing as women arent to handy with complex subjects.